How did I spend 30 years with someone and not even know who they are?
I'm a year and a half into my separation. I caught him having an affair 18 months ago and ended the marriage immediately. I've since moved on and am happier than I have been in many years. I own the family home, have a great career and all our friends have stood by me the entire time. I even have a great relationship with my inlaws. My only problem is that my ex won't leave me alone.
Over the last 18 months I've learned about several affairs he's had over the years as well as other lies he's been telling me. I trusted him completely and that's how he got away with things. He's now become an angry miserable person because he no longer has a relationship with our two sons (19 & 20 yrs old), due to his choices and choosing other women over them. At least once a month I get an angry message from him blaming me for the problems with the kids. He won't take any responsibility for his own actions. I don't even recognize the person he's become. It's like the man I was married to died many years ago, and this angry egomaniac replaced him. I've tried to convince him to get counselling so that eventually he can have a healthy relationship with the kids but he doesn't think he's the problem. He no longer speaks to his own family because they still have a relationship with me. How did we get here? How is it that I'm the one who was cheated on and lied to, but I'm now the one who's happiest with their life choices and I can't get him to leave me alone and let me go?
Re: How did I spend 30 years with someone and not even know who they are?
1) look up " Narcissitic Personality Disorder 2) change your messaging system so he cannot contact you 3) Don't beat yourself up..these people are chameleons and let you see only what they want you to see..even experts can miss it
Re: How did I spend 30 years with someone and not even know who they are?
If you are divorced, block him and the monthly hits will dwindle. The children will make their own decisions as you are witnessing.
If you’re not divorced, hang in there until the divorce decree and then, block him.
‘My’ narcissist and I do not speak as we are divorcing and it is expensive. He has blamed me for creating a wedge between him and our daughters w/out considering his self-serving decisions. Narcissists will point the blame finger at anyone. We’ll never get the satisfaction that one day he will admit his errors.
Re: How did I spend 30 years with someone and not even know who they are?
Hi,
I am beginning divorce proceeding with my husband of almost 23 years. 3 kids. 20, 18 and 14 . 2 boys and a girl. He is a total narcissist. It is sickening and overwhelming! He is atrocious! I am curious how your journey has been and if you have any advice. I am attempting to mediate as we have NO money. As I often say. he left us broke and broken :( .