Hi everyone, This is my first time here. My ex and I split up in the beginning of June. We were common law married and had been together almost 7 years. I found out he had been having, at the very least, an emotional affair with a woman and we had a really bad fight and he left that day in June. Now he is with this girl. He and I have two beautiful little girls together, 5 and 3. I was, and still am, a SAHM for the last 5 years. When he left, he left us with a 3100 sq ft house to pay for. He left us with all the bills and then offered to give me $450 / mo in child support. I truly have no respect left for the man. I don't despise him because he cheated. I despise him because he blew up my girls' lives. If that makes sense. I know parents shouldn't stay together for the kids... but I mean, at least wait to leave until both of your girls are in school. My youngest has 2 years left until she has to go to school and I am refusing to go back to work until she does. The court required him to pay us almost double what he offered in child support... and even that was because he was hiding money on a lucrative side job that he does. But we are literally living off of it. I'm paying all the bills and selling everything we own to make ends meet. He initially agreed to a parenting plan with me so that we wouldn't have to go to court. But now, he paid $250 to get some divorce service to draw up our paperwork... and all the things that were important to me are magically not on there! So, until either I sign or we both get attorneys, our parenting plan/custody schedule is not even legal. We're dealing with a man who hasn't bothered to call his kids in over two months. He was supposed to have the girls on New Years Day and he just told me to keep them. I'm guessing they're getting in the way of his orgasms. When he does come see the girls to take them to dinner once a week, he brings them back way early... like he just wants to drop them off.. not caring about his time with them. The things that he didn't put into the paperwork were basically safety issues... like that his 16 yr old daughter (who I love but is on her phone constantly) is not allowed to drive our daughters. Also, he left off where we agreed that if he cannot watch his daughters on his scheduled custody time, that I get the first chance to have them. I had asked him, a while back, if he would be willing to go to a Halloween function together for our kids. They have, of course, taken all of this hard and I just wanted them to have a base feeling that things will be okay. Halloween was always a big thing with our family and I just wanted to give them some kind of normalcy just for one night. This had NOTHING to do with my wanting to be with him... Jesus, I hope you all can believe me on that one... it was for our daughters. I even told him that next year at Halloween, if he was with that girl, that she could then come too. He refused of course. He will not even hear of anything proactive for the girls if it requires him and I to acknowledge a family bond. And I KNOW it is all for the new girl. I just truly despise this man right now. And I'm to the point where I just want to tell him that until the paperwork we agreed on is filed in its entirety, he will need to see the girls at our house. Am I out of line in this?

No, I don't think you are, but please see a Family Lawyer in the State where you live ASAP. I had one. They are best when there are kids involved.

Thank you, Lara.

After 9 months of dealing w/malicious behavior of an angry dry drunk, I just started hating him because he shared another vindictive plan with our 21 yo daughter before contacting his attorney. Last night she couldn’t sleep after he told her that he wouldn’t pay the mortgages and foreclosure takes a while. Regardless of our children’s ages, a mother’s response is to protect our children.
Your offer seems reasonable to me, but legal advice would be wise. I would consult your local Women’s Law Bar to proceed carefully.
The parent who remains composed and informed will be able to make the best decisions for the family. It will be challenging at times, but you can do it. Share your emotions with a therapist or pastoral counselor (often free). Seek out a divorce group; I found DivorceCare in my area thanks to this site. You deserve to treat yourself daily with a sweet, a nap w/the kids or kudos to yourself for being the best you can be in this temporary situation. Best of luck.

Thank you, E. We don't even have our heads above water as far as money goes. We don't have the money to pay any sort of retainer fee for an attorney unfortunately. I need to look for someone who would be willing to take the case pro bono.

Our predicament sounds simular. Mine came home in May and told me he was taking a job out of state. From June to now, my husband has seen our children (ages 12 & 10) 4 times. He has been with them since birth, how does a person go 4 and a half months and not see his children.
From June to September he paid some bills, but in October it all stopped. NO support for our daughter's in 6 months, and I filed for child support even before I filed for divorce.
I was not working when he left, I jumped from job to job, went to various charities just to keep electric and water going.
We had a electrical fire in our furnace and we were without heat for 2 and a half months. My husband did not offer any financial help, nor did his parents. He had not thought or concern for his children health safety or welfare.
Contact, if you have not done so, country, community and churches for help and support.
I hope you find the help you need.