You need a Lawyer ASAP. Family Lawyers are best when kids are involved. My ex was also laid off (several times) from Software jobs. Our daughter was 18 at the time he filed and I was working very part time due to an injury. The Judge talked to the Attorneys briefly during our first visit to court and sent us all home before we even left the waiting room of the court because he had just gotten laid off and didn't have money to pay me. It seems like your situation is difficult because you have several special needs kids. My Lawyer told us to close joint accounts. Most people would tell you to split the money with him, but ask a Lawyer - especially if you are thinking things are "fishy". Best wishes.