Kim: While I haven't been in this situation, I did have a husband who once physically abused me. Fortunately he moved far away and left. Maybe you could move far from your husband. If you have no minor kids together, you don't have to speak with him when and if you file (let the Lawyer do the talking). I recommend speaking with someone with the Domestic Violence Hotline and making an appointment with a Divorce Attorney for a consultation and get your own bank account (a Lawyer would tell you to get your own credit card and to close any that are held jointly). As soon as you file and get away, and I recommend you do, close all joint credit cards and/or Store cards so he will not run up a debt on them out of spite. Get your own credit card(s). You could split whatever is in a joint account with him (just withdraw half when you are ready to leave). Get your own bank account. I hope you leave him for your own sanity.
You're being smart by prepping. I dragged my feet waiting for the last child to finish college and the H decided to leave once he became sober. Life with a substance dependent is lonely and I knew I could not spend the golden years with him. Be aware that their sobriety does not mean the divorce will be reasonable. The controlling nature may be fueled by vindictiveness which will keep you on toes. Being alert is always good.
Follow Lara's suggestions. Get one or two credit cards to preserve her credit history and minimize a hit to your debt-to-income ratio. Open a banking account, a PO box and bank security box for documents. I did the last two the day he left and they paid off. Secure copies of your last 3-5 IRS filings and substantiation. Then record all accounts in the filings. Copy credit card statements, insurance policies and mortgages/leases/deeds.
I stumbled upon a joint investment account on his departure date and at first I was going to leave half, but I'm glad I didn't. He was furious for months and my attorney advised me on day one to keep half to return it when need be. Now after the husband's outrageous fiscal antics, that little account (less that $30,000) is paying her fees. Spouses are entitled to use marital assets to pay legal fees. It's better to pay the fees and not drive up the credit cards, when possible.
Substance abuse affects everyone and it is miserable. Keeping looking foward and preparing yourself. Good luck!
I started by taking a little money i could afford and set it aside. Start calling and getting prices and who will work with you on making payments. It took me about 2 to 3 years before i got out and my own place with my boys.