Exactly. He was wonderful, but now the ugly side is coming out. He tells me things like he doesnt want to see me for the rest of his life, there is no hope for the future, he doesnt want to look at me...etc. I dont know that I can take it anymore. I wonder also if this was my chance at true love, and I messed it up. I really wonder that.

Hold your head up high Hannah. If you degraded yourself during the marriage, then divorce with dignity. Don’t cling or pursue him or his money, give him the space he needs from you. That is how you can make amends to him and yourself.

Once the dust settles you’ll have time to reflect and figure out what really went wrong, sometimes we are too close to a thing to see it clearly. You seem to be laying a lot of blame at your own feet right now, and while it’s good to take responsibility for our own actions, it’s not healthy to tear ourselves down. I’m sure your husband isn’t perfect, no one is. There were reasons behind what you did and said. Or maybe he is a “perfect” guy but just not perfect for you. When we don’t find what we need we go looking for it elsewhere or lie to ourselves and others to invent that perfect life.

I don’t believe that there is just one true love out there waiting for us. This relationship did not endure, but you can look back on the happy times together and carry your lessons learned forward with you. There are definitely more chances at love ahead of you.

Thanks Mary, your words are really uplifting. I was trying to wait to sell the house then file. But I have alienated him so much to the point that he wants to file now, and live in the house while I leave. I dont want to do that because my name is on the house too and I should be able to live in it. He Just wants to get as far away from me as possible. I really want to try again with him, but the future looks so bleak.

Have you tried going to counseling with him. This is the one mistake that I made. I wish we had gone together.

Hi April, we have tried but he is not interested. I want to keep going but he has had enough. I have really messed up.

If he is willing to work on the relationship with you, then that is great, pursue that. If you really do want to try again with him and honestly feel there is a chance for that, then consider what impact your next decisions will have on that larger goal. He may need space and time from you to feel ready to try again.

If he truly wants to end the marriage, then unfortunately there is not much you can do. You can’t force him to stay, it won’t work and he may come to resent you for dragging out the separation. Regarding the house, I would move out. No one wants to lose their standard of living and changing residence can be a tiring and unsettling experience, but fighting over the house will likely just drive a bigger wedge between you. You are entitled to half of the value of the home and he will have to buy you out. Settle it quickly and decisively like pulling off a bandaid.

If there are children involved, then their needs should come first and the home should go to the primary caregiver.

Woah, I would not move out if I was you. Tell him to leave. Call the police and tell them he threatened you and makes you feel unsafe if he won't. My attorney told me to file a protective order. If you give him the house and move out then he will claim abandonment and it will make it harder for you to get alimony.

He isnt willing actually, and I think that I may want to move out. Things have gotten worse. There are no kids involved so it makes it easier. I just hate that this is coming to an end. I wanted some hope for the future but he says I have ruined that as well. I think it might be better to get out. I am not sure. I sometimes have hope that the time together will bring us closer. I dont even know.

It sounds like he’s sending a pretty consistent message Hannah. In your shoes, if I felt largely responsible, I would be the one to take the door, and I agree that lingering can certainly make the situation worse. You never know what the future holds, but it looks for now like you have a decision to make. Maybe start looking around - find a cute place to get excited about - think about the future. Embrace it.

I think the message is pretty clear too. I have done a whole heap of wrong, and he doesnt want anything to do with me. Not now, and not in the future. He as actually said in the past that he never wants to see me again. I think the message is clear as day.

Hi Hannah. This whole situation seems kind of cruel, since you did "terrible things to him". Have you discovered any reason as to why you did these things? Were you just young and reckless? Were you not really in love? Did you just like having a nice guy around to make you happy, but wanted to continue to live the "fun" life? Have you done anything to try to show him differently?
Maybe you've already done this, but think about telling him everything that has happened. If he is already talking about divorcing, what worse could come of it? Maybe your honesty could show him something. If it doesn't work, then fine. You may need to consider that you have caused him so much pain from these terrible things. Have you thought about HIS feelings? Maybe he needs some time to recover, maybe he needs some time to process what has happened to him.
Think about it.

Hi Isabella, these are all questions that I have thought about. Yes it was very cruel. It was a full on relationship, and I feel terrible about it. I have thought about why I did these things, and it sounds so cliche, but I had the man of my dreams, but I took him for granted. I saw the flaws that werent even that serious, and I used that as my fuel to do what I did. I didnt feel as desired as I liked. The issue is this, in my therapy sessions, I was trying to really dissect what is going on, why in the last 2 months since we have been going through this, could I not be honest. This has led him to believe that I do not want this marriage and I am trying to get out of it. Of course I can understand why he would think this. But unfortunately, I was trying to save my marriage, how I thought it was right. I had fear, I wanted to protect him from certain things. I actually THOUGHT i was saving my marriage, all the while I was not giving the man that I truly LOVE what he wanted and needed to work this out. I feel awful, I can only image how he feels. I dont expect anyone to understand my thought process with this. But this has literally been the worst mistake I have ever made in my life and I am losing an amazing person because of it. My self esteem has also taken a hit because I dont have high outlooks on life for me now. What if there is nothing else left for me in terms of love and being able to have a good relationship? What if I cant be a good wife? What if he is right and he doesnt think I can change and not lie, and what if he is right and this defines me as a person. I am sorry for spewing out so much...I kind of just went on a rant. thank you for replying to me.

Yesterday, he came home and threw out all our pictures from our home because he said that they were trash and didnt need them. This is killing me.

I had an affair too. If fact I am still having it. Was your affair emotional or just sexual? Are you still with him? My husband had a zero tolerance policy on cheating. I was only doing it for more money and to get a career and he caught us. I have no plans of staying with my boyfriend however right now he makes me feel good and feel attractive. My husband did not give me enough attention, so I moved on. You can do the same.