Hi Isabella, these are all questions that I have thought about. Yes it was very cruel. It was a full on relationship, and I feel terrible about it. I have thought about why I did these things, and it sounds so cliche, but I had the man of my dreams, but I took him for granted. I saw the flaws that werent even that serious, and I used that as my fuel to do what I did. I didnt feel as desired as I liked. The issue is this, in my therapy sessions, I was trying to really dissect what is going on, why in the last 2 months since we have been going through this, could I not be honest. This has led him to believe that I do not want this marriage and I am trying to get out of it. Of course I can understand why he would think this. But unfortunately, I was trying to save my marriage, how I thought it was right. I had fear, I wanted to protect him from certain things. I actually THOUGHT i was saving my marriage, all the while I was not giving the man that I truly LOVE what he wanted and needed to work this out. I feel awful, I can only image how he feels. I dont expect anyone to understand my thought process with this. But this has literally been the worst mistake I have ever made in my life and I am losing an amazing person because of it. My self esteem has also taken a hit because I dont have high outlooks on life for me now. What if there is nothing else left for me in terms of love and being able to have a good relationship? What if I cant be a good wife? What if he is right and he doesnt think I can change and not lie, and what if he is right and this defines me as a person. I am sorry for spewing out so much...I kind of just went on a rant. thank you for replying to me.
I had an affair too. If fact I am still having it. Was your affair emotional or just sexual? Are you still with him? My husband had a zero tolerance policy on cheating. I was only doing it for more money and to get a career and he caught us. I have no plans of staying with my boyfriend however right now he makes me feel good and feel attractive. My husband did not give me enough attention, so I moved on. You can do the same.