I am sorry you are feeling bad about your husband
but what is going on? Is he displaying types of abuse?
Are you in counseling? do you have family ; friends.
can you explain a bit more what is going on?
If you decide to get a divorce for whatever reason
being you have been married so long you are entitled to half of the assets but also half of the liabilities
depending on your state.
Also along with alimony and child support and a property settlement if applicable.
Have you seen a lawyer. I would suggest that first
of if your husband is being physically abuse then I believe you need to call your local domestic violence center.
Are you afraid for you life and your children?