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Shame

Just curious: Which do you feel is more "shamefull," getting pregnant and marring at 18, OR divorcing after 38 years of marriage (no abuse or cheating involved)?

Re: Shame

Neither. At 18 we young full of hope, long for love, have bright ideas about changing the world, even if it is only our little world. And let's face it at 18 we're...a little stupid...I was any how. And as for divorcing after 38 years...Life teaches us that hope and love are not what we thought they were at 18.

Re: Shame

Of course, life teaches us many things as we mature. That is generally what my question was about, stupid 18 year old or mature adult.

Re: Shame

Don't beat yourself up. There is no shame, that comes from worrying about what others think of you. We all make mistakes. We all do our best. We come to realizations and understandings when we are older, we have to forgive ourselves for not realizing sooner. So if you had a pregnant 18 year old in front of you, or an older woman who realized she was in a bad marriage in front of you...would you shame them? Would you want them to feel bad about themselves or tell them how stupid they are for the choices they made? Probably not. You'd be understanding and supportive. Be that for yourself. Seriously, if we had all the answers ahead of time, life would be easier (and duller). But we don't. We all plod through, not knowing what's coming. Some of us seem luckier than others, but, you get what you get and you don't get upset. Focus on your positive qualities. Forgiveness (of yourself) is SO important.

Re: Shame

Stupid 18 yr old??? Hummm... making a mistake at 18 or at 38, 50 or even 60 years old is a mistake..and all ages can make a stupid mistake.

Getting pregnant at 18 and marrying... well you are trying to make the best out of a difficult decision and yes you are hoping your feelings at 18 will be the same for each other for years to come... again what difference is that if someone at age 30 is making that decision?? You can still make the wrong choice by marrying a person at 30 and to find out it was a bad decision. ANYONE getting married has a bright, happy future in mind... seriously if you don't then don't get married.

Unfortunately not all marriages survive a life time. Some last a few weeks, month, a few years or 10, 20 40 years before the towel is thrown in.
Sure you can look at it as we were married for 38 years and now divorcing (no abuse or affairs)... what a shameful thing "or" you can look at it another way. We were married for 38 years and stuck together regardless of how tough it was for us as a couple for the sake of our family now its time to do what is right for us. You can choose how you want to look at it.
I have a hard time viewing it as shameful for either one of the situations.