I dont know if i should tell my husband that i want a divorce i dont know if he will even care, he told me this past weekend that im not equal to him, and because i didnt grow up the way he did makes him look at me diffrent and that because i dont have my G.E.D (yet im working on it when im not taking care of our 2kids)that im not smart and he cant have conversations with me intil then because i dont know what im talking about and that i cant be upset because that just means that i want people to baby me, but yet when he went thru his gambling issue and lost 13,000 in the last 6 months he could and when he was depressed that was ok to but im the one who wants to be babied... and trust me this is just the begining im not working im at stay at home mom, taking care of our 2 children.... i want a divorce but i feel like i wont be good for anyone else im afraid that he will make my life a living hell and i have no where to go i have no family, and im not working how am i gonna aford it, i cant sleep im sick all the time crying everynight ect what do i do i cant see a shrink he wont let me because we would have to pay 15$ for the co pay thats why he wont go to a marrage counsiler! im so messed up right now someone please help me
Carrie,
You need to set yourself up for getting a divorce. You'll never make it with your 2 kids if you don't hurry up and get your GED and get a job. Then, document everything he says and does that isn't right. Suggest counseling and document his reply. Start setting aside money for you. Look for apartments and houses for rent and come up with a budget for yourself. You need to empower yourself and take charge. Someone else will find you worthy. You are worth being treated better. My grandma always said there are worse things than being alone-being with someone who is emotionally abusive is one of them. You can survive being alone. Set yourself up. Take charge and get out!
Agreed, get your GED. Get a job. He doesn't need to know what you are doing, if he does, fine. You don't deserve to be spoken to like that. You are capable of more than you can imagine. Just go for it. You'll be fine. If you are in a marriage, you want to be there because you want to be, not because you need to be. Chances are he'll just find another excuse to put you down. Let his negative words fuel you to rise above, don't let them hold you down. Do it for your kids, too, you'll show them the importance of independence. Good luck, stay strong, gain your freedom, with or without him.
First of all, let NOONE belittle you into thinking you CANT do it on your own. Get yourself together and start preparing to take care of yourself and your children. Put money back if you can and save it here and there. Enlist the help of friends and family if you have to. Also remember that while not ideal, there are places to help people that are going thru divorce and that have children, maybe a church, or some sort of subsidized housing authority, thats what its there for. I am not saying to spend the rest of your life on welfare, but for the mental stability of yourself, I would recommend that you try to get out. That is mental abuse and control. I am not suggesting that it will get worse, but I will say that men that like to have that much control over a situation usually have more in store at a later date. Get your head together, there are jobs that you could do with out a GED I am sure, some places will even help you get it. Also your local department of family services or social services office will help you go thru school, and help some financially with cash assistance, or food stamps. like I said, it is a temporary solution to help you get on your feet, and a court will make him pay child support based on his income. (while thats not always effective as my ex is 10K behind) Do the best that you can and make the best of what is out there and offered to you as a support system. Depending on how long you have been married, there is alimony and also if he has 401K or any other pensions, the best bet is to ask the advice of a lawyer, and see if there is a type of legal aide that can help. Most courts in divorce hearings if people can decide together on what is settled will have a poverty form and you wont have to pay for the court to settle the divorce. I wish you the very best on your journey, and remember you are not alone, there are women every where faced with the same issues you are faced with and are struggling to find the same answers you are. Good luck!