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Forcing kids to accept his girlfriend before we're divorced

Last year, I had enough of my husband screaming at me and belittling me all the time and after 3 years of trying to get him to show some small part of appreciation, I asked for a divorce. I have been a stay at home mom for 9 years and have been looking for work since then so we can separate and divorce. He is paying for everything as he did when we were married and I tell him all the time that I do appreciate that.

What I don't appreciate is his girlfriend. He is an over the road truck driver and his girlfriend works in the yard where he works from. They text and talk all week long. The problem is that when he is with his kids less than 24 hours a week, he still texts and calls her. He has stopped whatever he is doing with the kids to call her then yelled at the kids for interrupting his call to ask when he was coming back in the house to play with them. There are a few occasions when she's working that he gives the kids full attention until another driver texts or calls. When he and I are trying to work out some financial things or things with the divorce or discuss the kids or whatever, he will ignore me to read her texts then later yells at me for not telling him things. So that's been one arguement.

After about 10 months of me not finding work, he tells me that I need to find a cheaper place to live so he can move into a place with his girlfriend. (During the week he is in his truck and on the weekend he sleeps on the couch here and this is his home address.) Says that 10 months is long enough to find a job. I found a cheaper place, he was happy with the price and told me to apply for it. We get the apartment, his girlfriend changes her mind about moving in with him and the next day he calls me saying he refuses to sign a new lease for me. Told me to move in with my mother with the kids. When my mother said no, he said I would have to go on section 8...when I called about that, I was told there was a 3-5 year waiting list and shelters were my next step. He said to do what I had to do. He now needed more money since she wasn't moving in with him. Told him to take the kids so they weren't on welfare and I could get on my feet. He said no. Finally he woke up, moved us to a cheaper place of his choosing and has been hoarding money for an apartment. If the household needs the money for food or bills, he submits bills to me to pay that money back. Constantly tells the kids that they have to wait on things and screams at me because the household funds weren't enough and he wants that money back.

The real kicker...he lent his girlfriend $600. She had a loan she wanted to pay off so she could take a new one and that money will come back to him in about a month or whenever she's done with it. Am I wrong in being ****** about this? I have to put clothes for his kids on layaway and get yelled at when I spent less than $20 on something fun for him to do with his kids but he's got enough to give her $600?? He says that since he had to put some of that money towards his road money and food because the household account couldn't pay it, he didn't have enough for an apartment anyway so he felt free to lend it out. Never even asked me if I needed some of that money for anything for our kids.

Sorry for the long rant, I could actually go on with things like we owe my mother almost $5000 that he just keeps saying we'll pay it back when we can and that now he's blaming me for not asking him for that money and saying I would take the yelling and screaming at me if the things the kids needed was really important.

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. I am really so upset because I feel like he thinks so little of his kids and puts her first. Our 7 year old told me today that she loves daddy but sometimes she hates him because he ignores her then yells at her. I realize I asked for the divorce but should he really force his girlfriend into this household like he is? Should the kids really have to "Learn to share him" right now when we aren't even divorced yet? He says he should be able to do what he wants and that I keep forgetting she feels really bad that he lent her the money...ARGH

Re: Forcing kids to accept his girlfriend before we're divorced

Chris I feel your pain. I was a stay at home mom on and off during my marriage. We have small two boys. I wasn't working when I finally had enough of my ex's behavior. I finally got the guts to tell him to move out. The house was in his name, he made the payments but I told him to go live with his mother. Check the laws in your state. Because he purchased the home during our marriage, half of it is legally mine. I didn't worry about the payments, the loan was in his name as well. He got mad of course, thought that he could come to the house any time he wanted, threatened to quit paying the bills. He even went to see a lawyer about it. This man went so far as to shut off the phone, electric, and started switching bills into my name. Well long story short, I got a lawyer. My ex will have to pay for all of his stupidity in the end. He is in a s**t load of trouble with the courts for his actions.
My advise. Be smart. Study the laws in your state. Call a lawyer. File for the divorce, file for child support. File for spousal support, if spousal support don't work ask your lawyer about APL (Alimony Pendente Lite) Basically its where your ex has to pay for your attorney fees, because he makes more money than you do at the time of divorce.
And maybe this is mean but before he does it to you, close your joint checking account. My ex did that to me with out my knowledge. I was at the store getting milk, couldn't figure out why I was declined. I knew the balance and yeah it was more than $2.55.
I'm not trying to sound mean really I am not but what men seem to forget is that THEIR children come first. Some times we have to make them see this even if they don't want to. If he wants to pay for his girlfriend to live then he has to pay for his children to. You can't make him...but the state can. It's not much but at least it is something.