Julie, reading your message and the following replies has helped me so much. I too felt similar to yourself and Marce in that I knew that I didn't want to be with my husband anymore - I no longer loved him in that way. He'd become my best friend and I didn't want to hurt him by leaving him. We spent so many years (10 in total 3 married) growing together. Travelling extensively, seeing the good, bad and ugly of eachother. I couldn't stand the thought of leaving him but every moment together began to feel forced and fake and I began to lose all interest in intimacy. It went on for about a year and I guess you could say I had an emotional affair. I still feel awful about that, and so so guilty for the pain I put my husband through. I wish I'd been able to listen to my instinct and end things in a mature, amicable way. Instead it has dragged out for the passed year and a half of me blaming myself for his unhappiness and him manipulating me to feel even worse. I finally moved away from him and stopped hanging around the very close-nit group of friends we had and have started getting my life back together.
Sorry to waffle on about my situation but I just felt inspired to share my story after hearing yours Julie and the comments. Only now, 2.5 years after it all happened am I starting to see that there were issues that were'nt all my fault. Although I miss my best friend, I know that it was the right decision for me. Julie, I agree with the first comment, sorry can't remember your name atm, who said you should try the counciling first. That's one thing I never did with my ex and maybe it would have helped us both understand what we were going through a little better.
Thanks for allowing me to share.
Danielle,
Thanks for sharing your story. It does help to hear other people who are in the same situation. It sounds like you do not regret your decision to leave your ex. Did you have any children together. That is what's holding me back-the kids. I don't want to hurt or mess up my kids. On the other hand, the other day when I was crying because I feel so aweful and stuck, my 6 year old asked me why I was having such a bad day. He must have given me a dozen hugs that day. I try not to cry in front of my kids, but I just couldn't help it this day. Do you feel relieved for not having to fake being a wife anymore? Is it worth all the heartache? Have you found anyone new that you are madly in love with? Sorry for all the questions, but I have so many reservations about leaving because I find the unknown terrifying.
No we did not have kids and it was heartbreaking enough as it was without kids. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you.....maybe one of the other ladies out there is more able to shed some light on that area.
I too have had some passed issues that I've had to deal with which I've been getting counciling for and this has been going on for a number of years. I think it was Strongspirit101 who said that we need to look within not without for love and acceptance. I'm trying to do that at the moment. Although I don't have regrets about the divorce, it has been a long, painful road but I feel like I'm getting stronger now. No I haven't fallen madly in love, I want to eventually but I want to heal first and I truly think loving ourselves must come first before we can honestly love another.
Perhads try the counciling first; and if finances allow, what about a weekend away on your own. A clear head would help at this uncertain time. Stay well, and look after yourself.
Thanks Daniella and Strongspirit for you advice. Perhaps I do need to heal inside first before I can make any decisions. I think a trial separation is a very good idea. I also think it is the only way I will be able to grow from within as you put it and heal. I have a lot of guilt, anxiety, and saddness right now. I really think some time alone is what I may need to clear my head and make a consciouse decision that is responsible. Thanks ladies for all your help!