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I have been seperated from my husband since June 2009. we seperated cause of a domestic battery charge against me. Long story from then to now, but in that time period he wanted to make things work but it was only on his terms. any thing i wanted or asked for he would get upset and leave or cause trouble. He has controlled the money and me and has used our daughter to control me. I filed for divorce in November, still we are not divorced. I had to file contempt on him for not paying his child support and maintenance correctly. after i filed taht he started to want to work things out. he made up a sad apology to tell me and the kids and whoever else. I was done with him by then and had moved on to a new boyfriend. Once he found out about a boyfriend, he got worse. Calling and texting me all hours of the day. begging me to let him back, to give him another chance. well once he found out who my boyfriend was which is my first husband from 25 years ago, he quit the begging and started to get worse with the vindictiveness. he started filing false contempts on me about visitations. I never denied him visits just asked him to comprimise at times. he blamed me even wehn he was the reason why he didnt see our daughter. I have a son from a prior marriage, not the first one. He has had little to do with my son even though he has been in his life since he was 5 years old, now 21. I have had a hard time finding a job, and its real hard when he dont pay the car loan and they come and get it from me and all he can say is that its not his problem. he lies to everyone to get the pity and them against me. I am a good person, with good morals and love my kids and family and friends. At this time I cant trust no one with anything without some how coming back at me cause of something he has tried to cause. i have begged everyone not to let him know anything that me or the kids have been doing. it just makes our life easier. when he found i was involved with my first husband he had cause a scene with us and went and tried to file for a restraining order on both of us. it was not granted cause of the rediculous accusations he used. he has filed for custody, which he did not get. there are many other things he has done and tried to do to me and then thinks what he does to me dont effect our daughter. my sister is buying the house that we have lived in for 5 years that has went into forclosure so me and the kids dont have to move.I filed my contempt in April about the support, Aug 17 i finally get my time in court. he has came into the house without anyone knowing and took things that were marital property and some of his stuff and my stuff that were personal to me.
Everyday i wake up and wonder what he will do to me. all day i am on nerves of what can happen next. I go to sleep with help of anxiety pills with my mind racing of what the next day will bring. I am a strong person but there have been times I have felt so weak and ready to give up. if it wasnt for my kids and my boyfriend i wouldnt be here. My boyfriend is a good man and a good father, but he has had some trouble and he is in jail paying for his mistakes. I am madly in love with him as i have always been. I have tried to be sensitive to my current husbands feelings even though i know he dont really deserve it. He keeps me broke and wont help with anything with my daughter. he knows its hard to find a job and all he wants to do is make each day hard for me to feel like i am capable of getting a job. He has control of everything i do. he wants my boyfriend to not be around my daughter. i just want him to leave me alone. he has a gf but it has not stopped him from bothering me and causing me to be in situations that I cannot really take care of.
I guess what i am needing from anyone is an ear. I need to have support and inspiration to keep going, and fight for the happiness i so desire with my life with my bf and my kids and a happiness i deserve. my kids adore the bf and the current husband dont like that at all. so if anyone has any suggestions of something i can do to keep my chin up for all of the ones i love.
Your soon to be ex seems very manipulative & controlling. I would recommend maintaining clear boundaries with him. Engaging any of the behavior provides him a secondary gain & is counterproductive. You can be kind & tactful yet direct about informing him that your personal life isn't his business or something you are going to discuss with him. If he continues to harass you reiterate the noted & don't engage him. I would also change the locks in your house. It may not be legal to do so if the house is in his name also, but once the house is in your sister's name I would immediately do so. Document & record the harassment if it continues for your own protection & for further reference if he continues to file false charges. You can't control what he says to others but in the grand scheme of things you know the kind of person you are as does, I am sure the loved ones in your life, which is all that matters. Keep your chin up, often with time things do get better. It sounds like you have good friends & family in your life, which means everything!
I agree completely with Sue. I have a friend going through a similar situation and she has had to go to court numerous times with her ex on many of the same issues. Right now her ex has a no contact order against him for her and the kids. I hope you won't need that, but document everything and maybe consult a lawyer. God bless!
thanks, for the input. I do try to keep contact to a minimum. Last I have heard from him was about a week ago, he was texting me about some paper that my daughter left up at his house while she was visiting. He wanted to bring it to the house, I told him no to mail it. He kept going on about how he can bring it to me. I told him that he was bothering me. Just a few days before he had accused me of bothering him all the time. when he is the one that contacts me. So I guess when I told or reminded him that he was bothering me he has left me alone.
Today we had court. We didnt get the entire hearing in today and we go back in Oct.