My best piece of advice, as I have been going through the exact same thing, is to take it day by day. It's hard. And reading your post, sounds just like me... there is actually someone else out there who's husband decided that they had made a decision and were going to stick with it for the first time in there lives. We have 2 kids, have been married for 7 1/2 years together for 10. We just finalized the sale of our home, and have signed all of our separartion papers, We both tried, but it always came back to the same thing, he feels like there is something missing in his life - and I just can't seem to help him figure out what it is, not for lack of trying, so he has decided he needs to accomplish things on his own, so be it... Like I said it hurts, it's hard, and you probably won't ever know why, but you will get to the other side, weather that means together or apart, you will get there. And, I promise you, you will be one h*ll of a strong person when you get there. I know I am, and I hope for you, that you can get there too.
This might not be that helpful for you but I want to say these stories have made me feel much less alone and I can’t tell you what a relief that is for me. I don’t have any married friends, I don’t have any friends in relationships where their bf can’t make an decisions. Even though I don’t have any kids, I really sympathize with you guys.
From what I’m reading, it sounds like your husband is missing the spark from your marriage and just thinks divorcing will help him find something else to be excited about again. Not that you’re boring or you did anything wrong, it’s obviously all in his mind. If he still wants to wear a ring, cried at Fireproof(great movie btw) and cares about you enough to talk and go to counseling….it sounds like some kind of internal struggle he doesn’t even know what to do with. Searching for a puzzle piece that probably isn’t even missing.
Unfortunately, all you can do is try your best if you want it to work and hope the counseling helps if you really put in all your effort. Maybe try writing him a hand written letter and explaining how important he is to you and how the years with him have been maybe difficult at times but that he is such a good person and father and matters so much to you. Sometimes reading words in someone’s hand writing can really make it feel more personal. And giving him space to read it alone is also important I think. Men don’t often get flowers, candy, gifts and letters so they really do appreciate them when they come, in my experience.
I hate that in these situations it always seems like the husbands think the grass will be greener on the other side and think we’ll be waiting for them when they’re done experimenting. They think they can have their cake and eat it too. That we’ll be they’re best friend and keep our rings on and wait for them while they do whatever they think they need to do to feel happy. It’s very selfish of them in my opinion and apparently something like 70% of people go back to their ex after a breakup so obviously they haven’t learned yet….
I’m sorry you’re going through this pain. We are here for you.