Today is one of those days where I could sit in the middle of a cigarette outlet store and smoke my way out. If I thought it would do me good I would. Guess it's a good thing I quit......
I had a hearing today where both my ex and I had filed contempt charges against the other and I thought that things would finally get ironed out. Guess I thought wrong. Truthfully I have no faith in the family court at all. My stbx has failed to met over half of our custody orders and every time we go to court it seems as though I get the slap in the face. I was belittled by the judge today because I do not "throw out the olive branch enough" (a direct quote by the judge) This person sat in judgement of our case and when my attorney tried to address the matter of why we were filing contempt charges she ( the judge) refused to listen stating " I feel that you are trying to drag up old issues" Well HELLO why does she think we are there??? My reason for filing for contempt was that my ex tried to kill himself ( not once but three times) and was told by TWO judges before that he needed to seek therapy for his mental health issues and that I was to get periodic reports to his mental state. This was ordered a year ago. I have never seen a report. Oh yeah and what comes through via fax right before the hearing....a report from his "therapist" stating that he no longer needs therapy.....amazing how one can be cured of mental issues with just one visit. I felt like a 2 year old in court today because this woman literally told me that my concerns were " a little dramatic"
I would love to know if she has children. Or if she has ever tried to pry a gun out of her husbands hand? Then I would like to know if she could sleep at night knowing that the man she knows has mental issues, who was hospitalized for said issues was taking care of her children?
My concern is for my children. Truth be told, I do not care if he takes his own life anymore, it is his decision, I am over taking the blame for his problems. BUT my concern is what if out of anger towards me he harms my children then takes his life??
I am just so tired of fighting a loosing battle. I feel like my orders are written on stone tablets and his are being used to line the bottom of a bird cage. Oh yeah he filed charged against me because my kids missed one weekly phone call?Really???
Verdict? I was held in contempt and he got NOTHING!

You know,after dealing with the way the court runs in my state. I have come to the conclusion that it would be nice to have a jury made up of a number of people to hear divorce cases (I know this is impossible)but when facing a judge you have to hope for the best. I know all the lawyers want to make sure they get the right judge...why is this if they should all be fair? What if the judge you have has a bad day or they tend to lean for a man or a woman more. What if they just don't see your side of something so well....etc. At least with a number of people they have to work to get a fair compromise. I am not saying all judges are bad. I had a fair judge, but I know people who have not.

Susan

Two of my friends are also going through divorce. Funny how it goes from county to county as well.
One is in a county that believes in fairness to both parties. Equal, straight down the line. That can be good but it should depend on the situation.
The other she is in a GREAT county ( for a woman lol) THey believe in the mother's right. Father take a back seat, that can be bad as well. My cousin WANTS to be a father to his children but in that county he only gets what his ex gives him...
Me, yep I get the county that is know to side with the father, how lucky am I?
I agree with you, our lives should not depend on just 1 person. Or at the very least that one person should HAVE to listen to all the fact. Not shove important issues aside because they feel it is "digging up old issues" Most family court issues are "old issues" And some old issues are the most important when it comes to the safety of our children. That was my main concern. Maybe when my stbx flips and harms my children something will be done. If she would have just listened to what I had to say things would be fine. I just wanted my ex in therapy for his anger issues so that maybe I could sleep better when they are with him. Now I am forced to smile and wave as he drives off with MY babies in his car not knowing what kind of mental state he is in.....

I think it is just that the courts have so many divorce cases to deal with now that the judges have to decide what is important to hear and what will just tie up their time. The thing about that is...the judges get to decide what they think is important and what they do not. They run the show... they get the say. It's a throw of the dice for both parties involved.

Susan
PS That is why they tell you to go to mediation, but 90% of the time that never works out either.

I agreed to go with the “mediator “ whose wife was a friend of my ex sister in law

He was a conman

My ex sister in law said that he was a very busy international lawyer and that I should be grateful that he agreed to see me.

He was actually a conman

He said he was also a psychologist but he wasn’t

I agreed to sit down and write a rough draft of the divorce decree with him so that my ex would finally agree to go to court
He got a lawyer for both of us who was later disbarred to write the final decree and present it to the judge.


I didn’t pay much attention to the part about shared custody because we all knew the kids would never stay overnight with him because he went to live with his parents.

BUT the judge DID pay close attention to the details saying which part of the week he was supposed to keep them, so he only gave me half of the child support even though they were with me 24/7.

Be careful to read all of the details of your divorce decree and have a good lawyer represent you:


I didn’t read it thoroughly until years later