Womans Divorce Forum

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Re: Help

Susan wrote something in "Re: How to get you EX back!" which I just love:
"It's only natural when your ex turns into a swine... he is going to go out looking for slop."
You are not slop! You have nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about, HE does. I don't know why we do this to ourselves, why we give our hearts to UNDESERVING men. Why it HURTS so much even when we know they are wrong for us, we know we are better off without them. I guess our values are much higher than theirs. We took our marriage vows seriously. I am also in separate rooms with my stbx, I can't afford a divorce. So I have to see him now and then, I am working SO hard on letting go, reminding myself that it is his loss, not mine. I don't want him, but I can't help feeling like I don't want him to be happy either! The whole it's not fair feeling, like he is so shallow and mean, why does he get whatever he wants and I work so hard barely keeping my head above water. But whatever the reason, I have to accept this is the life intended for me. I am strong enough to live through it. And I HAVE to have faith that all will be fine in the end. And so will you. Your words in your letter are very heartfelt and touching, but I doubt they will have any meaning to him. I have said similar things to mine (20 years) and they fall upon deaf ears. An insensitive self-centered person simply cannot understand the pain they are causing, and if they do, they get pleasure from that. I truly believe that mine does things just to upset me because he gets a feeling of power from that. So now I just do what I need to do for me and my kids and to he11 with him. You are 100% correct, you DO deserve better.

Re: Help

I think strongspirit is right. He may not react at all to your letter. He is already engaging in morally bankrupt behavior without regard to you or your wedding vows. When I use to approach my stbx husband about anything, he would often respond by saying, "here goes one of your lectures!" Another one of his responses was "I just wont talk at all!" It is fundamental to have the willingness to communicate with your spouse in a respectful manner. Infidelity is a very large waving red flag that in my personal opinion is a deal breaker. You can't teach accountability or insight. In response to your letter, if it makes you feel better then you should give your husband the letter, but I certainly wouldn't have the expectation that your husband is going to have an emotional epiphany. Put your energy into what you can do for yourself. The best revenge so to speak is for you to move on and live a happy, fulfilling life. The chances are your husband & mine will probably eventually cheat on the women they are with. Good riddens!