Whatever you do do not ever settle. Keep those kids no matter what! I hate when I hear people say they just want it over so just want to give it all up. Once the divorce is final there is no going back so please make sure you get all you can and want---that includes your kids, house, money, personal property everything. I feel bad for you that he is still in the house. I was fortunate that my ex was working and living like 6 hours away. We always thought me and kids would move up there but never happened. I knew in my heart it was the wrong thing to do. Be true to yourself and you will make the right decisions. My ex has absolutely no communciation with either of my kids. Very sad but what can you do. I figure it is his loss. I just don't get it how they can just turn their backs. He still has to pay financially but he has no relationship. I wish they did but then agan a part of me is glad they do not because he has some serious issues. I love talking and sharing and really want to help other women. I do not want to bash men (just the ones we are divorcing!). Hang in there I am so enjoying life now!
I don't think you deserve to emotionally compromise yourself by spending any more time with your husband. A home is not defined by it's structure but the presence of love, security, safety and comfort of the family in it. I grew up in an alcoholic home. My mother tried to shield us from my Fathers temper and drinking yet we all knew and experienced it on a daily basis. I use to pray that my Mother would leave my dad. She finally left him when I was in 9th grade. I felt a sense of profound relief that I no longer had to live each day feeling scared. My siblings and I took on adult concerns as children, which have contributed to a basket of insecurities we all struggle with as adults. I don't know the extent of your kids relationship with their father. When you mention staying with him for the kids, I cant help but relate my own experience as a child. Living with an alcoholic parent can be very scarey and leave an imprint of emotional insecurity with your children. If their Father isn't emotionally present in their lives and consequently your home is not a source of security and comfort, then leaving your husband should be for you and the kids not staying with him. In regards to filing for divorce, the laws of each state vary. I live in PA. If a divorce is contested then their is a 2 year waiting period before the divorce can be enacted. I suggest you research the laws in your State and consult with an attorney. As for the $ help of your family, I would keep that on the D.L. from your husband. He is entitled to pay you alimony and child support if a separation was decided. I do hope you feel deserving of this. You are a strong, intelligent and kind woman that has so much to be proud of, especially for the person that you are.