Yes, I am sure that the bf can change, he knows if he dont do something better for himself he is going to lose everything. And Yes I am sure the ex wont cause I have given him 10 years to change, yes with me enabling him to stay the same. Over a year ago I put my foot down and told him what he needed to do to make things right for the family. I would not let him come running home as I had before, and all he did was get mean and even more selfish. We went to counseling for months and even over the past 10 years. He will admit he has to change, but when it comes to show it he is unable to make the difference that is needed to come home. Once he left the house in June 09, he wanted to have the single life and his family life. He was not willing to make any sacrifices for his family. He has never had to make any in the past, that is why I had to put my foot down and it was either do what is right or stay gone.
And I am not only thinking of myself when it comes to my bf. If my daughter did not adore him as the man he is and the father he is to his own kids he would not be in the picture. However, she does, he talks to her in a way her own father dont. They have made a bond that she has not had before, it is a father/daughter bond. He has a daughter a year younger than mine and they have bonded as sisters. My daughter feeling loved and cared for and not feeling like an object is more important to me than my own happiness. When things got serious with my bf I talked to my kids and told them everything, they were so supportive cause they felt that it will be also good for them. However, wehn I discussed with the kids about reconciling the marriage again, they were totally against it. Everyone is stressing about the drinking of the bf. He is devoted to me and my kids and his kids and I know he would not put our lives in danger, maybe his own but not ours. Where he is living at now, he dont have friends or family that will be supportive and understanding of the drinking problem. With me and where i am he has friends and family and my family to be supportive. I cannot turn my back on him and no one that knows him and me does not think that I should cause of his drinking problem. I understand more of his situation than just about anyone, so I will be here as a friend but also as his gf.