You are not crazy. You are hurt. I agree with Julie, you want the idea of a family. I really get your pain. I did not grow up in a close and loving family. I always felt desperate for love. I married at 19 and thought this was it. Here I am 20 years and 2 kids later in a MISERABLE marriage. I have wanted a divorce since the first few months (yes! that soon!) and I stayed because I was in love with the idea of a family. But he ignores me and the kids, like we don't exist. Just goes off and does what he wants when he wants, we are nothing to him. The longing for my ideal family was so strong, so painful, I forgot to notice and appreciate what I had, and became consumed with what I didn't. Now I can realize I am SO much happier without him! He lives in my basement. When I see him I feel such anger. When I think about him, I feel rage. But when I am off doing stuff with my kids or at work, or in the garden...I feel at peace. I HAVE a family. We are a family of three, not four as I wanted. Just because he isn't involved doesn't make me and my kids LESS of a family, just not the kind I thought we'd be. You and your son are still a family! Do you have extended family? They count too. OK, so you fell apart today. It's OK. As long as you put yourself back together. You are probably thinking this isn't fair. And you're right, it isn't. But it's what you've been given and you MUST know you are strong enough to get through it and you HAVE to believe in yourself and be good to yourself. When thoughts of him enter your head, force them out. Keep busy. I know it's hard. I woke up at 4am today and just lay there for 1 1/2 hours thinking of how miserable I am. Yep. I kept telling myself to stop, I could be sleeping, I SHOULD be sleeping. But I couldn't stop. Eventually I just went to work with the intention of leaving early so I could continue to think about how miserable I am. But work got so busy and all thoughts of him left my head. I worked 11 hours straight with NO break, then I went to my volunteer work...alone because my daughter who usually comes with me was with her dad. Well, as soon as I got there I got talking with people, and HE showed up to drop her off so I gave her a big hug and we did our work, met a really nice new person and all negative thought of HIM LEFT because I was so busy and meeting GOOD people in the world! So tonight I want you to promise yourself a few things. Promise to be gentle to yourself. Promise to never let him see you upset over his leaving again. Promise to remind yourself that your son is enough, together you are a close and loving and perfectly wonderful family. Promise to be there for you and to believe in yourself. Your life WILL get better. I promise.