So my councelor said don't contact my husband for 30 days and see what happens?? I don't understand how this can help if we are separated and he is leaning toward divorce. Shouldn't I be trying to call and work on us to help save the marriage. Sad. Feel lonely without him. Any advise?
Well I know that contacting a spouse who may not want to hear from you can push him further away. I feel that way about my husband who i don't want to hear from. Your counselor may want you to do this so that he has time to think things through himself.
I think it's a good idea. If you keep contacting him, he'll get a sense of power by denying you. Without it, he might realize he misses you and wants to work it out. Remember, he might also feel relieved and not so angry, he might have his reasons for the marriage to be over and that's that. So on the other side, it'll also give YOU a chance to heal and experience being without him. As long as you keep contacting him, you are opening up old wounds, keeping alive hope that might not be worth it. A month without contacting him...you'll fill your time with other things and fill your mind with other thoughts. Hopefully you will see that life without him goes on, and can still be good. If you put all of your thoughts and energy into saving the marriage, if you think the ONLY way you can be happy is if you stay together, you will never be truly complete, whether or not he stays with you. If you are with someone, it should be because you WANT to be, not because you NEED to be. Take these 30 days as a break. Give yourself permission to stop thinking about him and to pursue your own pleasures. You just might like your new found freedom! Whatever happens, it's really important that you can be happy and comfortable with yourself. Happiness doesn't come from others, it comes from within. It's aleady in you, just set it free.
Thank you so much. I already messed up and text him today. :( ugh its sooo hard. I am really trying to find a job and refind myself. I agree with what you are saying and you must not need someone to be happy. Its all very confusing to me and I always thought I would be married one time and its so confusing when the one you love more than anything can hurt you so badly. I need to get strong again and I really appreciate the advise and will try and make it through this 30 days. Its hard because my family is far away and I feel so alone especially with no job. I thought I had a lot of friends but realized through this they were just good weather friends and really don't have anyone to talk with. I am thankful for this site. Once I find a job hopefully I can go back to the councelor for help.
Thank you
It does get better even if just for 1 day, dosen't seem like much but 1 day is better than none and then 1 day turns into 2 and so on and so on. Email me if you would like, gingerbloxom@yahoo.com I am also alone I have 1 son who is autistic and a mother in the nursing home, I know how you feel, I did not want my divorce either, but it happened, and I have struggled, I took these ladies advice and yesterday was the best day I have had in 1 year, and this past week was the hardest week Ive had in one year, My emotions go from being crazy into I can make it.
Ginger was just thinking about you and hope you are having a strong day today. Your one day at a time is golden because its funny each day makes a difference. Makes me sad that any of us have to go through this. Have a good night.
I had another question If you have ever been in this situation or faced with divorce do you think its strange I still wear my ring if we are separated. He is not wearing his. :(
Do what feels comfortable. I have had times (months) with it off just to put it on again...just to take it off again... Now I keep it on because I am not looking for anyone else and I don't want anyone at work noticing or gossip starting, I figure when the divorce is final the feeling of taking it off for the last and final time will give me closure.
I think what you said makes total sense. Having it on feels like a security blanket noone can judge or ask you questions. Sometimes I get sick and when I get home I throw it on the table since he broke his vow to me. :( My husband said he filed by mail and is waiting for a case number but that was 3 weeks ago so every day I wonder is someone going to serve me or will he show up and say sorry. :( My life is really in space and I have no closure either way or can't heal. Thank you again.