I have read them over and over and I am trying, I swear i volunteered to work tomorrow so I would be busy. I appreciate your support really I do, the only family I have is my son whom I love and he is autistic and my mother is in a nursing home with alzieheimers, I just feel all alone, i don't have any friends because in the marriage he said all I needed was him, that I did not need friends, so thank you for the support.

Don't give up and don't stop. I don't have any friends either. I left behind all friends/family 20 years ago to be with him and spent the rest of my time working, being in school, taking care of my kids. Time for myself? To make friends? Non-existent. If he told you all you need is him and then he left, well, obviously he was lying! (Even if he didn't leave, he still lied to you). I am glad to hear you are trying. It is SO important that you keep trying, keep volunteering, keep busy, keep reaching out wherever you can, even if you feel you are not getting anywhere with it because one day you will realize how very far you have come, how many people's lives you have touched for the better and how many people have cared for you without your even realizing it. Right now he is clouding your vision, casting a dark shadow over your life, trust me I know, I have been there and I am still in it, I have to remind myself of these things whenever that darkness comes over me. I lived in this nightmare for so long, I used to say the darkness gave me a lonely sort of comfort. But I never gave up (I tried, but God spared me) and once I broke through my whole life changed. I'm not saying my life is all sunny and smiles and rainbows. I still feel sad, angry, have bad days, etc. But I also have good days and feel joy again and whenever the bad feelings come it is so much easier to deal with because I know for sure it will pass by and I just have to fight my way through it. So I get being all alone, I don't have anyone except my kids either. But they are ENOUGH. Imagine what you need to give you greater comfort. Sometimes I pretend I have a true love and he is not here in this lifetime so I can't be happy in this lifetime but have to work hard for my kids so they can be happy. Sometimes I pretend an angel is with me wrapping huge wings around me for comfort. Sometimes I imagine a better future when I realize my full potential. Whatever you need to think of or believe in to get through the hard times, just do it , it does no harm (even if you think it a bit silly)! I really feel for you and I wish I could be there in person as your friend but I can just be there in spirit. Be your own best friend. Give yourself confidence. When we don't have anyone to believe in us or support us, we have to believe in and support ourselves. I hope you keep posting, whether to vent or to report your progress, just come here and know that even if you feel alone you are not.