Womans Divorce Forum

Discuss your troubles, compare ex's, offer suggestions, and share stories!

Womans Divorce Forum
Start a New Topic 
Author
Comment
View Entire Thread
Re: Please someone help with any Advise

It seems so weird to me that he could cut you out of his insurance. I live in Pa. My ex is not allowed to cut me out of his insurance until the divorce is final ( one good thing about him not signing the papers,ugh) He closed out a joint account we had without notice and was forced to give me half of the balance.
I hope all works out the way you ant it to. Be strong, be true to yourself. Remember that you were once a person with out him...and you will be again if you need to be :)

Re: Please someone help with any Advise

Thank you Lisa. I am so scared right now. :( My Pastor recommended I file for a Legal Separation so he helps me while I am looking for a job but I am scared this will push him over the edge and he will run further. In CA you are also supposed to continue and pay for insurance but he just left and stopped all help. Its weird I've never been a week person but I think the way he left put me in a shock and not having a job I feel alone now. My mistake I should have stayed working but we were trying to get pregnant. I can't even afford to see my councelor who I really need right now. Thank god for this site. Today he text me that when he is done he is done. I don't know how to express I love him enough and all the problems he talks about seem like things every couple goes through. Any advise for me to approuch this and try and convince him to try counceling? Another thing I fear is I'm 40 and trying to have a child and scared if he really wants out am I waisting time to have that opportunity. I know I shouldn't think this but I can't stop. Ugh. Thank you for writing means a lot.

Re: Please someone help with any Advise

My heart aches for you. I can feel your sadness when you write.
You asked how you could get him to counseling, I hate to tell you but unless he really wants to he won't. I begged my ex to go to counseling with me years ago. His response " We don't have marital problems, we are just having a misunderstanding, we can work it out" I will never forget him saying that to me. How can an affair be a misunderstanding?! I was begging him to help me fix "us" and acted like there was nothing wrong. When I finally did tell him to leave, the first thing he said, "I'll go to counseling with you, please don't leave me" For me it was to late for that. I like you didn't have a job. I had no idea what the future held for me, all I knew was that I needed out. He was poisoning who I was with his actions. A friend of mine allowed me to live in his house while he was out of state and I got a job. Drained my saving in the mean time but it has been worth it.
If he just left, call his employer. My ex dropped me from his insurance on May 28th. I called his employer and was put back on May 29th! It is law, he may have dropped you but the company knows that with out a copy of the divorce papers they have to keep you covered. This is what my attorney told me. Call an attorney and ask if it is legal in your state for him to drop you. They can answer that over the phone. If they say no then call his employer ask for some one in the HR department and tell them that your husband dropped you of the insurance. If he hasn't signed divorce papers, he is still responsible for you, even more so because you are unemployed.
This is just a bend in the road, only God can see that is on the other side. Travel with confidence.

Re: Please someone help with any Advise

Thank you Lisa. I am very devastated but more so hurt. :( My husband has said some things to me that I would have never imagined someone could say. His favorite line is if you know me when I am done I am done. Yet he hasen't filed for divorce I don't know what to do anymore and I am so scared that my love for him could ruin my opportunity to have a child since I am 40, ugh. Re insurance he works for his buddy and pays insurance separate from the company. My pastor told me to file a legal separation but I am so scared that will push him to leave totally that I just am suffering and racing to find a job. I am just trying to make it day to day. A lot of my friends have left me during this time and I hate to say some seem happy that I am hurting. Its an ugly thought. I used to be someone who loved to help everyone and always listened but now I can barely just get the strength to make it through my own day. Makes me sad. I just want my husband back and I know that sounds retarded since he left me I should be so angry. I am so thankful for this site and you and everyone writing it really helps in so many ways to know people care. Thank you again

Re: Please someone help with any Advise

I'm sorry you are having to go thru this and hurting, I also had to go to work, the only thing I could find was at a fast food place, I hated it but it occupied my time and I also got a paycheck, you have to start somewhere, I have a college degree, but could not find a job, now I am a manager and love my job, the young folks their keep me laughing.

Re: Please someone help with any Advise

Thanks Ginger. It crushes me more that my husband has money and is living the life while he has no concern for me. I am glad you got a job and a good one. I have my resume everywhere.... I am praying something happens soon. Actually even more for my self esteem. Its hard to go all day and night alone. I hope once I get a job I can meet new nice people and get away from all these thoughts.