Womans Divorce Forum

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Re: Please someone help with any Advise

My heart aches for you. I can feel your sadness when you write.
You asked how you could get him to counseling, I hate to tell you but unless he really wants to he won't. I begged my ex to go to counseling with me years ago. His response " We don't have marital problems, we are just having a misunderstanding, we can work it out" I will never forget him saying that to me. How can an affair be a misunderstanding?! I was begging him to help me fix "us" and acted like there was nothing wrong. When I finally did tell him to leave, the first thing he said, "I'll go to counseling with you, please don't leave me" For me it was to late for that. I like you didn't have a job. I had no idea what the future held for me, all I knew was that I needed out. He was poisoning who I was with his actions. A friend of mine allowed me to live in his house while he was out of state and I got a job. Drained my saving in the mean time but it has been worth it.
If he just left, call his employer. My ex dropped me from his insurance on May 28th. I called his employer and was put back on May 29th! It is law, he may have dropped you but the company knows that with out a copy of the divorce papers they have to keep you covered. This is what my attorney told me. Call an attorney and ask if it is legal in your state for him to drop you. They can answer that over the phone. If they say no then call his employer ask for some one in the HR department and tell them that your husband dropped you of the insurance. If he hasn't signed divorce papers, he is still responsible for you, even more so because you are unemployed.
This is just a bend in the road, only God can see that is on the other side. Travel with confidence.

Re: Please someone help with any Advise

Thank you Lisa. I am very devastated but more so hurt. :( My husband has said some things to me that I would have never imagined someone could say. His favorite line is if you know me when I am done I am done. Yet he hasen't filed for divorce I don't know what to do anymore and I am so scared that my love for him could ruin my opportunity to have a child since I am 40, ugh. Re insurance he works for his buddy and pays insurance separate from the company. My pastor told me to file a legal separation but I am so scared that will push him to leave totally that I just am suffering and racing to find a job. I am just trying to make it day to day. A lot of my friends have left me during this time and I hate to say some seem happy that I am hurting. Its an ugly thought. I used to be someone who loved to help everyone and always listened but now I can barely just get the strength to make it through my own day. Makes me sad. I just want my husband back and I know that sounds retarded since he left me I should be so angry. I am so thankful for this site and you and everyone writing it really helps in so many ways to know people care. Thank you again

Re: Please someone help with any Advise

I'm sorry you are having to go thru this and hurting, I also had to go to work, the only thing I could find was at a fast food place, I hated it but it occupied my time and I also got a paycheck, you have to start somewhere, I have a college degree, but could not find a job, now I am a manager and love my job, the young folks their keep me laughing.

Re: Please someone help with any Advise

Thanks Ginger. It crushes me more that my husband has money and is living the life while he has no concern for me. I am glad you got a job and a good one. I have my resume everywhere.... I am praying something happens soon. Actually even more for my self esteem. Its hard to go all day and night alone. I hope once I get a job I can meet new nice people and get away from all these thoughts.