I am 39 and feel I don't want anyone new but at the same time it would be nice to have a companion. I think I am OK, average I guess, certainly nothing special. I have long dark hair, green eyes, not over-weight, but I guess I have a weird face. Plus my life with my stbx has made me feel less than average, like no one ever would ever possibly want to be with me. I feel embarrassed to "put myself out there", like I will be met with laughs and "yeah right who'd want that thing"? I look in the mirror and don't think it's true, but then I go out in real life and see other women and think yeah, it is true no way anyone will want to be with me. I am happy and content on my own, I consider myself my own best friend and seriously no one can make me laugh like I make myself laugh I am really happy studying or reading books or being at work or spending time with my kids. BUT I think having someone to spend sometime with away from everything else would be nice. Where have others turned to find someone new? Please keep in mind I have no friends or family to introduce me to anyone, it would have to be where I put myself. I don't like bar scenes, I want to find an intelligent quiet man but I feel that by my age all these guys are gone or they are hidden! I don't want to meet some rowdy bar-type one night stand. I want to find a sweet guy who is a friend first. I was thinking of a horticultural society, but still...where are they? Anyone my age find someone SWEET? WHERE??? HOW??? This would be my first time in over 20 years to try to meet someone and I am terrified. But I am really lonely and ready to take a chance... help!!!

You are as attractive as you think you are! I am sure there are many kind, sweet & faithful men out there in our age range(I'm 43). I think a good way to meet people is to branch out from your safety zone. In the Am, I often head to a coffee shop with a good book. I have seen many men around my age that don't have wedding rings on & have struck up conversations with many of them. Another idea that I have been thinking about is seeking out activities & groups with positive themes such as a book club, wine tasting or hiking club-whatever interests you! Create & work on a "bucket list". God knows you deserve all good things to come.

Hi! I just thought I would write you. I feel the same loneliness being separated from my husband we were trying to have a baby so I was not working. Now that he is gone my days are soooo long. I am looking for a job but nada is out there. I am nervous also even thinking our relationship could be over better yet even having to think of meeting someone new. I like you don't do the bar thing. All my friends are married with new babies. But I just spoke to a random neighbor and she told me she went on a site called eharmony. You basically fil out a survey on all your likes and dislakes and they match you. There is a fee but if you google eharmony you could get some promo codes. I think it is 25. a month but not sure. You must be divorced to join. This gives you the opportunity to choose someone on personality similarities and then you start by emailing long before you meet. I think it sounds safe and a good idea. It may also give you something to look forward to because you get emails daily. I am not sure what state you are in but in CA they have support groups at church I know its soooo hard to go alone but I may go on Thursday. I am sorry you are scared and I think the first step is the hardest. Try eharmony and see what happens. Will pray you meet someone who is nice and see's the beautiful person you are. Once you work on the inside you will see how pretty you are on the outside. :) I bet there is someone wonderful waiting for you so just take the first steps.. Good luck!! I know everything will be brighter for you very soon. :)

Hey, sweetie: I am 63 and been in the dating world for 5 years, and haven't found the kind of man I want. I suggest that first......you become comfortable with yourself; do things you like; join a group or groups of like minded people, etc...Perhaps consider therapy.

Alicia

I used to think I was destined to spend my life unhappy. In a marriage by myself....I was more lonely when I was married than I am now. I am now dating. This man is very sweet, loves my kids, my kids love him. I told him from the start that my kids were more important to me than any man. I'm enjoying my life now.
Good Luck!!!

Once you are ready to date again, you will notice men noticing you.

What do men find most attractive in women? The same thing that women find attractive in a man. Confidence.

Put yourself out there where you can meet people--men and women and practice being more social. Make an effort to be the one who talks first when in line at the grocery store, or smile when you are at the bank. These nonverbal cues will let everyone know you are approachable. Practice becoming more social and confident and before you know it, you will be more confident. Make a goal for you to make new friends and get out and to do things that make you feel connected with other people. I had to reinvent myself and create new friendships when I was going through my divorce because I realized I had given up most of my friends when I was married. It was exciting to start over.

Fake it until you make it. You won't feel real confident at first but it will become easier and seem more natural. I did several coffee dates and the first few were horrible--I was so shy and tongue tied and self conscious but that is ok. I considered them practice dates.

Remember: divorce makes you pretty. So be prepared.
SAM

Very well put & encouraging Sam
Confidence does beget attractiveness. I hope we all find love again but mostly a self deep love to never accept less then we all deserve!