Discuss your troubles, compare ex's, offer suggestions, and share stories!
How old is your child? Is the child his?
She will be 16 in October and she is his but she doesn't want or like him at all.
If there are no legal proceedings pending (no divorce filed) and you do not plan on letting anyone know where you are so that he cannot file legal papers on you, then you could leave......however it would not be supported by the court once he or you file for divorce or custody. If this occurs you will need to reside where ever the court states you need to reside.
Looking back over all of the bad stuff my ex threw at me and the extensive costs associated to my divorce, I should have just up and left and disappeared. A life in hiding would have beenno fun but my children were almost as old as yours and my ex was a real A***, he needed his spousal support so he would not have to work and fought to keep the divorce going so he could keep his support.
If you think you can hide well, I would say go for it if it were me....but my ex would have found me some how some way and filed so I would have to return the children. Until there is a court ruling the childs cusotdy belongs to both of you but at 16 cances are the court would allow her to choose (but you never know what he could say to sway a judge differently, so me judges believe lies no matter how odd they may seem.
I'm scared he would find us at some point because of putting her in school and then me working and all just trying to start off fresh. I think it would be easy for him to find us through social security numbers and name but how do or should I do this the right way without loosing her? My fear is him taking her away from me and I can't let that happen. We have no money, he controls everything so paying for a lawyer is out of reach. My friend is willing to move us up state and stay there but like I said as soon as I get her in school and me a job he will be able to find us for sure then what? I am so lost and scared and have no clue what to do. I just want me and my daughter to be happy and free from all the abuse. What can I do?
These are the exact thoughts that went through my mind when I thought about it. My kids were younger than yours and I knew I would have to hide for about 6 years....but after all of the crap he put me through I still wish I would have done it.
There are some normal men out there that go through the divorce without feeling the need to torture their soon to be ex, maybe you are lucky enough to have one of these kind, you never know there are women on this site that have gone through completely normal divorces.
Do you think if you left he would immediately serve you with divorce papers? if so the child will be listed in them. He may wait a while to see if you are going to return, this may buy you a year, then your child would be 17 and could petition the court for imancipation and she would not have to be involved in a cusotdy battle even if he wanted to hurt you by fighting you for her she would be considered an adult in the eyes of the law.
Some how you will just need to figure out how to buy some time, perhaps tell him you are going up state to take a break and clear your head for a few months, a few months turn into a few more and then presto child is old enough to care for herself. He can not get a court order to make you come home.
I guarentee you once you figure out a way to shed him you are going to feel so much more at peace and at ease, when the torture stops everything just seems more peaceful. LKooking back whatever I had to go through to get where I am today (away from the abuser) I would do it immediately, life is wonderful when that stress is forever gone.
He never lets us leave for more than a night or two and even then it just depends on the situation so leaveing to go for a year would probably hurt me or my child in some kind of way. I'm so scared for me and my daughter but we just got to get away. My friend is willing to put us up as long as we like but I also don't want to get them in trouble either if he finds us. It's so hard and nerve wrecking when you think about it and the stress upon stress. Do you think running and not looking back will be the answer for us? I have to do something I just don't know what? He keeps saying he is going to kick us out and then why should he as long as we do what he says. He says we have no where else to go and that we are just stuck with him. It so mentally stressful right now its hard to see whats left and right. What do you think would be the best for us to do to get out of this abusive situation? Please we need guidance :-(
I understand what your going through because I am having the same dilemma. The only difference is my husband knows nothing about any legal stuff so I wouldnt have a problem there, but Im scared he may become violent or just difficult to deal with. I really just dont want to be here anymore. He left to work out of town last week and the few days that he was gone felt like heaven. No stress no arguing no empty conversation no mental or emotional abuse for just a few days. When it was time for him to come back my whole attitude changed toward my kids and all I could do was think and cry. Im so over this. I can just imagine what it would be like if I left him. No matter what I have to do to get back on my feet as far as living with friends and family I am so willing to do so. THERE IS NOTHING LIKE PEACE OF MIND. So TAKE YOUR PEACE. I am definitely going to take MINE
Well mines home all the time and he never leaves other than to go to work. That is the only time I can breathe and when my daughter goes to school thats when she can too. It's so hard at times and I just don't like being on pins and needles all the time. Its nerve wrecking. I just want to run away and leave and never come back. I don't want a thing from him at all. I just want my child and me to be safe and happy. I'm just scared he will find us and do us harm. What can I possible do. I got to work to provide and she need school for her education. How can I do this when he can find us easy like that? What can we do?
He is trying to be sweet and be there for us now. I guess he knows or feels like something is coming but even though he is being his sweet self. He is still being his normal buthead self. When he says jump we have to say how high. It really sucks right now and confusing. Am I just naive and falling for his game or should I just go with the plan of just running cause he is never going to change and I am tired of changing for him? What can we do or what should we do?