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hi all. I've come on before and described my situation. I'll give a brief recap. I've got married at the age of 19 and have been married for 10 years. We have three young children and a dog. THe problem is that I never really wanted to get married and have been feeling horrible. For ten years I have been trying to change my feelings and act like I was in love. My husband is a loving man and a good husband and really loves me. I keep praying that I will feel the same, but it hasn't happened. About 6 months ago I had an emotional affair. My husband found out and was devistated of course. I don't blame him. I no longer have contact with this person and promised my husband I'd tell him if the man tried to contact me. Things have been very rocky at home. I just can't pretend to be in love when I'm not anymore. I wish I could and I wish I could change my mind. About 2 weeks ago I found out my husband was having an emotional affair with someone from work. I confronted him on it and he didn't get that his situation was the same as mine. While I vowed never to contact my affair person, he is still gonna talk to his. Says he still loves me though. I decided to really try hard and make our marriage work. I've planned dates and started doing the little things again like leaving notes and texts, etc. I gave in and we slept together after not for 5 months. I didn't like it at all. I can't stand his kiss and just wanted it over with. He is all happy now and thinks things are better between us. I am having a hard time being honest with him because he gets so emotional and I don't want to hurt him again.

Do you think I'll ever love him like I should? Are things this tough cause we have 3 kids under age 6? I wish someone could just tell me what to do. It is exhausting living in limbo.
Thanks for listening.

Re: Confused

Hi Julie,

Can I just ask how you felt when you found about his emotional affair? Were you jealous at all? Did it ignite some fire in you?
Im thinking that afater 10 years of trying to pretend you feel some way you dont it really must be exhausting.
It could be the way of life, young children, hectic schedule and also the security in knowing your husband is devoted to you. Are you perhaps bored in that respect in your relationship?
How would you feel if his relationship continued and became more than emotional? Thats difficult to answer because we might think one think but the reality is usually so different.
Have you tried talking and saying how you feel, you could word it differently, something is lacking and you dont know what.....
Tough one Julie. All I would suggest is that you have to be over 100% sure before you make any move.
Really over 100%.

Re: Confused

Thanks Abby for your advice. I wasn't in the least bit jealous of his emotional affair. The only thing I felt was angry because no one knows about his affair because I won't tell anyone cuz it could jeopardize his job. He told everyone under the sun about mine and confronted the man at his home. He is still talking to the girl and I have broken off all contact with my affair person. It doesn't even bug me that he still talks to her. In fact, I ask about her and wonder how she is doing. I'm just mad he gave me such a hard time and I almost killed myself over the guilt of my emotional affair, and he doesn't seem to think he did anything wrong.

I've talked to him about what we have lacking and we are going to counseling. I also know that I am dealing with depression. In fact today is a really bad day for me. I feel totally alone in my house b/c he doesn't get anything i've told him. even our counselor says he has a delusional attitude and needs to get real. I've been trying to be honest and I really do want things to work b/c we have 3 kids, but I just have some serious doubts. Thanks for listening.

Re: Confused

No problem Julie,
I would say you trust him completely not to cross the line with this woman OR you are quite detached from him.
Maybe you could write him a letter, that way you know for a fact you have his undivided attention at least for the duration of reading it with no interuptions or protestations.
Good luck with the counselling.

Re: Confused

Thanks Abby,
I think I will write him a letter. Hopefully then he'll understand what I am trying to say.