Womans Divorce Forum

Discuss your troubles, compare ex's, offer suggestions, and share stories!

Womans Divorce Forum
Start a New Topic 
Tired Folks.

So after a week of trying to have conversation with ex about me mmoving i with new partner, i got a flurry of calls this morning (as I was busy removing my stuff from 'our' house). Eventually i call him back. 2 hour conversation.
He warns me Im making a big smistake, he tells me we belong together. He tells me our son will never be happy. He tells me if I do this it will kill him. He at one point says if I do it he will wait till drinkig ban lifted and then go for shared custody (I reminded him that actually while no judge would force it, I would not have a problem with it). He cried and begged me not to do it.
He informs me he has so many options, his first girlfriend has made contact with him, but he isnt interested (she lives in another country so hed have to choose). he says he will never let go, that we will be together one day.
I come back home, i ring my new partner Im pretty low, but finally he's sick of it all.
He finishes it.
I am to blame because I was nevr strong enough to end the contact.
I had the most wonderful man, i would have had a wonderful life full of love, care and good times.

Now I will not.

Ladies listen to me, if you want to move on, then you have to let go completley of your ex or else it will destroy any chance you have.

I am so tired by it all. I had almost reached the fiish line. Almost. I think my life will tick on as long as I never try to meet someone new (not a chance of that, Ive just lost an incredible man, im not likely to find another-im simply not interested now).

I was offered an almost fairy tale life and I blew it. I couldnt let go. Love might be wonderful but its also the most dangerous thing on the planet.

If you want to move on, let go.

Its my birthday tomorrow girls, wish me a good one, cos Im closing my door and letting the world think Im out.

Im numb.

Re: Tired Folks.

Oh Abbey...my heart hurts for you.
It's hard letting go. I'll be praying for you
I hope that you get the best gift ever...a fresh start in life!

Re: Tired Folks.

Thanks Lisa.

Im pretty much done in. I fought for so long now Im just thinking Im not going to be happy ever again really. At this point defeat feels easier than the constant daily battle. Im too old for this and too worn out by it all. My ex said I would never be free of him. Seems he was right.
I just want tomorrow to be over.

Re: Tired Folks.

Please don't give up. I know that defeated feeling like you just don't want to go on b/c there is nothing worth going on for. I believe you will find happiness again. Research shows that it takes about 2 years for people to move on from a divorce. Your ex is trying to control you and make you feel miserable. Don't let him. You have given enough of yourself to him, don't give any more.

Tomorrow is your birthday. Go out and treat yourself. Get your nails done, buy a new shirt, whatever lifts your spirits for a while. Maybe you need to talk to a counselor. Have you ever tried that? I have one and it really helps to have a nonbiased person to talk to.

I hope you have a good birthday. You deserve it. I'll pray that you find happiness.


Re: Tired Folks.

Thank you Julie,
I dont think Ill be up to do much tomorrow. This is a new all time low. Ive been sobbing for the past couple of hours,tomorrow i will no doubt look grrrreat.
My co-worker is a psychotherapist, ive emailed him asking about seeing someone else professionaly. My colleague is also a very good friend and too bias and close for impartiality. I think my head has gone and left the building and now I do need to get some real help.

Just now I have no strength left, i simply dont care anymore. I feel so empty inside so it kind of doesnt matter to me what happens now. Perhaps it will change perhaps it never will. I just need to be able to function again. Thank you for responding.

Re: Tired Folks.

You are very depressed. You need to get on medication and maybe you should look at going to a place that can ensure you are safe. I have been in that place before and I really am worried about you. Please seek out help now. I know how the loneliness and desperation and sense of hopelessness. Please don't fall into a pit. We may not know you, but we all care about you.

Re: Tired Folks.

I wish you a peaceful birthday. If you need to shut yourself off for the day tomorrow, just make sure you come back. I am sorry for your situation and your sadness and so many of us (if not all) can understand your feeling of despair. You'll come out of it, we all do, what is the alternative? My whole life I had feelings of abandonment and loneliness and I just can't seem to get away from it no matter how I try, I feel I keep going in circles. So I figure I haven't learned what I am supposed to yet, so the SAME situation (different details, same underlying theme) keeps recurring until I GET it. I've tried so much, I give of myself doing volunteer work, I care for others, do the best I can for my family, keep goals for myself and work towards them, never giving up...but there's something I am missing and I feel when I get it, things will change. So maybe you are stuck in this pattern too. You had mentioned you are spiritual (same here, I don't belong to any religion, but I do believe we are more than biological machines and that spirits/forces/angels/God are around us guiding us). It's like a bad phone line. We know we are being spoken to but just can't quite get the message. So whatever the reason, this HAD to happen because there is still something you simply must learn in your lifetime and you had gotten off track. This is what I believe in, it's what keeps me going when I want to just give up. I'll take some time to cry, to feel sorry for myself, and no shame in that! You feel sorry and compassionate when someone else is suffering, why not for yourself? But just as you would a friend, you would let them cry and be sad for a bit, but then encourage them to get back up and get back on with living their life. Whatever you do tomorrow, I wish you a peaceful and gentle day. And it's a special day! It's the first day of the rest of your life! Just like every other day, we can wake up and begin again, redefining ourself and modifying our actions along the way. Wow. Pretty amazing if you think about it. Have a good night.

Re: Tired Folks.

Hope you have a wonderful Birthday.

Re: Tired Folks.

Thanks everyone for the birthday wishes. The kindness of strangers.

Didnt sleep much last night (sleep never been a problem), its raining and its miserable out.


Re: Tired Folks.

Im going to the doctors today. Im googling suicide. So yes its time for help. If it werent for my son I think Id be gone. I just cant do it to him, i want this to stop. I just feel that the hurt is far more than Im able to cope with. I wont do it, I cant do it to my child but God knows I want to. My focus on anything and everything has gone.

How to go from rational, sensible to a complete liability.

Re: Tired Folks.

Happy Birthday Abby. I'm praying for you also. If it is still raining out, think of it as a cleansing rain. I remember way back when I had one of those dark days where I felt so empty and hollow inside and just did not know what to do with myself...my whole world had changed and not for the best I had thought. It was a warm summer evening and still light out. It was pouring outside. I walked out my back door into my yard, not in view of anyone else, and I stood out there for about half an hour in the pouring rain just letting my tears run down my face and mingle with the rain as I looked up into the sky. I just let it all out to Christ and emptied my soul of all my sorrow. I know this may sound a little silly, but as it was raining I pictured God allowing all the angels to cry with me over this and that this was the rain pouring down on my body. I just let all that sorrow and hurt go and I gave it to Christ because I knew I could not bare it myself anymore. I can't explain exactly how I felt after that, coming into my home and just taking a warm shower and throwing on some comforting sleepwear for the night. Not to say I didn't have bad times after that throughout my divorce, but that was the day I was at my lowest and then that was the day that I was also at one of my highest. When you are so low and can't fall anymore....then you have to let go....You are in my prayers...give yourself a Birthday gift and LET IT GO


Re: Tired Folks.

Thank you Susan, I pictured you standing there.
im glad you are recovering.

Thanks so much.