Hope you have a wonderful Birthday.

Thanks everyone for the birthday wishes. The kindness of strangers.

Didnt sleep much last night (sleep never been a problem), its raining and its miserable out.

Perfect.

Im going to the doctors today. Im googling suicide. So yes its time for help. If it werent for my son I think Id be gone. I just cant do it to him, i want this to stop. I just feel that the hurt is far more than Im able to cope with. I wont do it, I cant do it to my child but God knows I want to. My focus on anything and everything has gone.

How to go from rational, sensible to a complete liability.

Happy Birthday Abby. I'm praying for you also. If it is still raining out, think of it as a cleansing rain. I remember way back when I had one of those dark days where I felt so empty and hollow inside and just did not know what to do with myself...my whole world had changed and not for the best I had thought. It was a warm summer evening and still light out. It was pouring outside. I walked out my back door into my yard, not in view of anyone else, and I stood out there for about half an hour in the pouring rain just letting my tears run down my face and mingle with the rain as I looked up into the sky. I just let it all out to Christ and emptied my soul of all my sorrow. I know this may sound a little silly, but as it was raining I pictured God allowing all the angels to cry with me over this and that this was the rain pouring down on my body. I just let all that sorrow and hurt go and I gave it to Christ because I knew I could not bare it myself anymore. I can't explain exactly how I felt after that, coming into my home and just taking a warm shower and throwing on some comforting sleepwear for the night. Not to say I didn't have bad times after that throughout my divorce, but that was the day I was at my lowest and then that was the day that I was also at one of my highest. When you are so low and can't fall anymore....then you have to let go....You are in my prayers...give yourself a Birthday gift and LET IT GO

Susan

Thank you Susan, I pictured you standing there.
im glad you are recovering.

Thanks so much.