Lori,

I had been married for about 20 years as well and my ex left for someone 15 years younger than the both of us. He came back a number of times for one reason or another, before I finally told him never to come back again. We have been divorced for about 5 years now and he is living with this girl. I loved my ex at the beginning of it all and even when he was seeing this girl also. I also had two young boys that needed their father, but enough was enough. He was hurting me, but even more, he was hurting the boys by coming and leaving the home going between me and this other girl. I know you love your ex and he is probably your world etc... I was where you are....but you have to make a choice with your head and not your heart to fully let go of this man. You need to love you and your child more than you do this man. If he is dating someone else, you know in your heart that he is not fully committed to making anything work out with you. You have to push past your emotions to move on and in time, you will look back and wondered why you hung on so long. I look at my ex now and he is not the man I married. He is a selfish person who lies at times to get what he wants in life. When the love dies in time you will see your ex for what he really is. Your love will no longer blind you to his faults. You must love yourself enough to see you deserve a whole and healthy relationship with someone who will love you in the same way. It is not easy letting go when the bond of 20 years or more has tied your heart to your husband and his past life with you, but it can be done. Counseling may help you see things that you are not seeing right now through all this loss you feel. Talking to friends and loved ones may help as well. But most of all...it is up to you to cut the ties with this man and know that there are blessings out there waiting for you when the healing is done. Life is never easy and I have to deal day to day with my ex and our two teen boys, but you will begin to see him as more of a business partner when it comes to raising your child and you work together as a team to raise your teenager with all your love and then the rest of your love belongs to you...You have a life to live of your own and when you let him go you will begin to see that there will be other things unfolding in your future that have nothing to do with him and everything to do with you and your teen and anyone else you chose to let in your life that will give you the love and respect your deserve.

Susan It gets better and when you let go of one thing you have room in your hands and heart to fill it with blessings

Susan, thank you. I am so grateful to you for sharing your story and advice. I can't imagine having gone through what you did while caring for young children. And that 15 year younger girlfriend ****** me off just reading it! I know that what you are saying is wise and true.We made the decision to end the marriage after several years of counseling, and even though it was sad, at first there was a sense of relief and a chance for a fresh start. I am shocked at my delayed reaction and the fact that I am now terrified of actually divorcing. And it has brought up all kinds of other issues and feelings I didn't know I had. Very ugly feelings of self loathing and low self esteem. I am still in counseling, but my sessions are starting to sound like a broken record. The sad truth is that there is no solution to make this current situation "work", I have to protect myself and come up with a plan to break this tie. This will be a huge hole to fill, but I know that something that takes me in and out of feeling good/miserable about myself is no way to spend my life. I'm ashamed to say I comfort myself by thinking "If he's with me, then he obviously isn't serious about her" kind of crazy thoughts. Unless he's not with me, and you can guess what I think then.... Last night my daughter caught me crying, and it broke my heart to see her concerned face. I think that was when I started to feel the real pain, instead of trying to manage the situation. Like any addiction, which is essentially what this is, I guess I have to go through some hellish withdrawal.

Thank you again, Susan. I think I may even be able to sleep tonight.

Lori