Womans Divorce Forum

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Re: memories

I don't think there's a magic answer, it ends when you want it to. My feelings for mine (he refuses to leave the house, I can't afford to go, and to be honest, not sure what I want anymore) can be turned on and off like a light switch. If he is trying and I feel I can't, i go to a good memory of us and try to get the feelings back. When he is being a you-know-what and I feel sad, I go to those memories when he hurt me most and I feel myself get strong and I am glad he is not around. Maybe you can try that. When you get the warm memories of him and it makes you sad, think of how he hurt you and how glad you are he's gone and your life is now your own. I have been married almost 20 years, and honest to goodness he has been less-than-pleasant the WHOLE time and even though we are still legally together I have been emotionally divorced for many years now and have learned how to do these things, it does come with time. I am even at the point where I can think of fond memories and not feel sad about it. The emotions attached to the memories become less intense over time. So when these memories come, replace your thoughts with those that make you glad to be rid of him. For me it was work trucks. Mine has trucks just about every other blue collar worker has. I'd see the trucks (like 1 in 10 on the road!!) and feel sick in my stomach and so sad. This lasted years. Now they are nothing to me but trucks on the road. I pass by the place we were married fairly often and now it is just another place. Thoughts of "good riddance" and "his loss" got me through! Now I am in more of an emotionally numb place, like I just don't care anymore. But I am still able to engage emotionally in other aspects of my life (admittedly to a lesser degree than before, but that's OK) and get through. It's more of a conscious process. As much as our brains like to tell us they rule, we all know the heart does. But you can use your brain to artificially create feelings to overwhelm those of the heart and get you through. Hope that makes sense!