Please forgive the jumbled thoughts.......

Well this is the first day that I have actually told to myself that I may be heading towards a divorce. I am 27 only been married to my husband for 3 years, we were together for 3 years prior to our marriage. There were issues of possible unfaithfulness on his part before we got married all I had were emails and texts messages from another woman who didn't even live in our state. Mostly from her but a few from him which hurt and broke some trust with me. I separated myself from him until I felt I could truly trust him again and I believed him that he didn't cheat on me and forgave him. Now were 3 years into our marriage. I have new emails, and messages from a friend of ours that is also married. They are pretty suggestive where she talks about leaving and how she doesn't want to rush his decision but how it hurts her ever time she see us together. We just got a dog and she told him she was jealous of the dog because it was a new bond that we have together.....were husband and wife we have been bonded for a while now. Her marriage inst working and they have been together for longer she is even older than we are but apparently my husband is better and she has decided to talk to him every chance she gets sometimes 10 emails a day. He isn't innocent in this either unfortunately. He calles her sweet pea and baby and and emails her back every change he gets to tell her about all our fights and all of my faults. I am pretty much at the end of my rope and have saved some of the emails and am contemplating showing them to her husband so he knows whats going on even if he already has guessed some of it. My husband didn't come home Friday after work when he said he would. I knew where he was so I jumped in my car drove to her house and knocked on the door for almost 10 minuets until he opened it. I asked what took so long and all he could say was he was in the bathroom...why didn't she open her own door....She sent him an email saying she missed his touch. I don't have proof again that he has actually cheated on me but the emails pretty much suggest they have more than a friendship. Not to mention she is his boss, and we work at the same company so I get to see them together all the time. They make plans without me and I find out about it too late. Lately I have wedged myself in the middle to keep an eye on them. Its hard I am going insane and I just don't know what to do. I love my husband I don't want him to leave especially over this woman, who should know better. She is his boss, older, and married. I can't phantom why a married woman would do this to another I get sharp stomach pains every time I think about it. My husband told me he doesn't want to be intimate with me for how ever long it takes him because we went through a dry period due to work and hectic schedules. I guess I have out lasted my usefulness. I know it takes two to tango and my husband is letting this happen as well, and who is to say it wont happen again even if this incident gets stopped. I am still pretty young and I am scared of things ending. I am not really sure when I will do if it does. I just know I am sad all the time and they are making my life evaporate slowly before my eyes. Any advice will help!

Julia, you are not alone. I also had copies of a journal my husband was sending to his affair. It was so painful and hurtful what he was telling her it almost killed me. He wrote to her telling her about our sex life and how it was just sex with me. He wrote that she is a woman who knows what a man wants. I wanted to show her husband these journals, but this is where it gets tricky. He is a soldier and has been in Afghanistan since Jan and wont be back until October. The devestation I would cause her husband would drive him over the edge especially when he has seen his mates killed recently. I burned the journals on Sunday 12th Sept and offered them up to the God of Lies from the Goddess of Truth (thats me) it was a huge relief to get rid of them and stop torturing myself over what he did. They are a powerful thing to have, and if I were you and the husband of this other woman has no idea, then what have you got to lose? Being his boss, well she is a piece of work. Why not leave them in your lunch room for all to read! Its not only humiliating for you its down right embarrasing to think this is your husband. Hang in there, stay strong, don't give him any sex! This is a huge mistake, trust me I made that mistake and now I am in a world of pain. I thought it would be the one way he would love me again...WRONG. Take care.

Julia

I also went through being cheated on. I did not want my marriage to end and I stayed and it was the worst thing I could have done. Believe me he is lying to you, cheating on you and it will continue to happen. You caught him red handed. You need to leave him. You are worth more than what he is giving you. If you allow this to happen , you are telling him it is ok for him to keep doing it. The saying once a cheater always a cheater is very true. I kept catching him and he would make up some lame excuse and I let it go. Beleive me your life will continue to be miserable because you cannot trust him. My life is so much better because I dont have to worry about what he is doing or who he is doing it with. As for his girlfriend her day will come as she obviously does not plan to leave her husband or she would have done it. You dont deserve to be treated this way. You are young find someone that will treat you right. Kick him to the curb. good luck on your journey.

I have to second what Jo said, NO SEX! I also gave in, thought it meant he still loved me, felt that I was somehow "getting back" at the women he was seeing, got to feel close to him, etc.... What?! I was only hurting myself, getting more and more emotionally trapped. I am sure that if I had not resumed the sex after we separated, I would be much further down the path of healing. I am facing it: If he's sleeping with someone else, even after a 20 year marriage, he's making his choice. And it's not me. So I have to make my choice, stop playing games and put my energy toward creative and productive things. I know it is so difficult but it is amazing how just seeing things clearly can start to make the pain go away.

Good luck and take care of YOU!

Lori

Thanks all for the advice. I found some more emails that were very damaging some that he couldn't lie his way out of. Her husband called me last night to tell me she told him everything, but only because I emailed him and told him I had something for him to see. My husband still says as of last night that he didn't cheat on me he just started having feelings for someone else. I have a consultation with a lawyer at the end of the week. As embarrassing as this is for me I will have to tell my boss, because the woman is a person of power were we work and could possibly have a say in any future I have with the company. My husband doesn't know I talked to a lawyer over the phone last night. However he did say last night that the best thing for him to do is probably leave. Well he doesn't get out that easily he will have to go through with the divorce if he wants his break so much and I have my family and some friends. I am not sure I can cry much anymore but it comes in waves so there will be a point in my day where I will be locking my office door and sobbing quietly to myself I guess.

It will be extremly hard, but you can make it through it. I think you are right to talk to your boss as she may try to start trouble for you. Good for you to take the step to make your life better. It may not seem it now but in the end it will be.

Well my husband and his boss got fired from work so he blamed be for getting him fired and yelled at me in emails for about a day and then he changed his tune and started asking if we could work things out because we owe it to ourselves to try and if we see a counselor then maybe we can fix this.....So I catch him Tuesday telling another woman he wished her to be his wife, Tuesday night she tells her husband everything and mind denies all till Wednesday morning where he goes to work and gets fired for his inappropriate relationship, and spends Thursday and trying to talk me into taking him back.....what is wrong with this picture....hes got nothing and he knows it so now he things I will forgive him and take him back...even though he told me last night he still talks to her because shes sick and he doesn't want to be cold and unfeeling to someone who is sick!!! So I told him this "You know someone asked me what do you want to do Julia.......and I said I don't want to go through this again I can't and I just feel like all of your we need to work on this and that and fix this situation wouldn't have happened if you got your way and she left her husband and you were together all happy. I feel like you don't want to to be with me really just someone and I feel you put me in danger being with another woman there are all sorts of things you could get from someone else even just by kissing and you didn't want to be 100 percent honest with me you kept dodging my questions and saying I was paranoid and I just want a new start where I will be something more to someone who will have the respect for me that I deserve to not put me through this kind of thing. Regardless if you think I am giving up on you I am not going to give up on myself and I feel I deserved better than what you did to me so yeah if you want to call it running away go ahead but I call it a wake up call.