Maybe this will give hope to others who, like myself just a day or two ago, thought that life couldn't go on without "him"! I have to think that reading posts and sharing with this community has been instrumental in this shift. So many of these posts struck such a chord -- my situation is not unique and the answer is always: You have to let go. I have found a new outlook and I'm actually letting go for the first time after being married 20 years and separated 18 months. I am working with my therapist on the nagging jealousy that comes when I think of him with someone else, but when I remember the things he actually did over the years we were together, I am beginning to have the attitude "Yes, he's cute and great in bed. Now he's all yours -- I don't want him! You'll see why soon enough!" It feels great! In fact, I think the main reason my feelings for him have been so confusing is because he started dating so soon. It was my jealousy and insecurities about the fact that he was out there looking for my replacement that kept me an emotional hostage; not love. I couldn't accept that after all the work I invested, and all the fact that I know him and loved him as deeply as possible, someone else could just step in and be the person to make him happy. Guess what -- who cares? Did he make me happy? No! Did you know that hormones are released into your system that make your brain start to bond all over again when a partnership is threatened? Yet another reason to stand your ground and stay apart once the divorce decision is made, in my opinion. Thanks to everyone for sharing your experiences, advice, and support. You never know how strongly your words will resonate with another person. I know the journey is just beginning, but I finally feel like I am on my way.

Lori,

I'm so happy to hear you are feeling so much better about things. I did the same thing you have done with your ex. I always tried to please him and worry that he wasn't happy enough, but like you have said...when we look back... Did they really do anything for us?...Heck, NO! You reminded me of the freedom I felt when I realized that very same thing a few years ago and this is also why I really never had any issues with his girlfriend, because I had a secret...."I know what he will turn into in time" and she is more than welcome to have him all she wants. WELCOME TO THE LIGHT it does really feel like a light bulb goes on over your head when it kicks in how much these men are so not worth the heartache and pain....FREEEEDDDOOOOOOOMMMM!
You are on your way.

Susan

Thanks, Susan! It really is the beginning of deciding where I want to go now instead of spending each day reacting to his decisions. I even told my therapist today that I think the support I've gotten on this site is what helped me finally break through. Funny how we all think our pain is unique, but then to see the same exact story told by women I don't know, who don't know me? A real wake-up call!

Love,

Lori

Lori,
It great that you are starting to let go. I have been divorced for 3 years. I have dated and almost got married again. BOY what was I thinking. But it does get easier as time passes to see them and to see them with others. I was like you at first and it hurt to see him with his girlfriend consideer he was dating her when we were married. But then I think He is not worth my time. He did not treat me well and cheated on me all the time and was an alcoholic on top of it. I know think who ever wants him can have him. He has been through several relationships and is one of these who do not care what she is. but they find him out in the end. I once read a quote and it is so very true. I may not have someone lying beside me at night but I do not have anyone lying to me. My life is so much happier now. I wish u the best.

I love that quote! I think it would sell really well as a framed piece or needlepoint pillow, don't you? :0) I'm so glad that women like you, who have been through this hell but aren't consumed by it, are still visiting this forum to offer support to those of us in the early stages of the process. Not to say that all the pain goes away, but I was really starting to think I would never be ok again! Thank you and I'm so glad you are happy!

I just hope I can help some of these women out. I really did not have anyone to talk to that had been through it. Dont get me wrong me family was great but I still felt like on was on my own. I wish you the best and beleive me once you start to realize you are worth more than what he gave you. You will feel free and be much happier. I wish you the best.

THANK YOU, Lori...
I absolutely needed to hear this tonight...you have NO idea!!!!

Adrienne,

Didn't see your post the other day -- so glad my words helped you. This forum and the wisdom and support from all of these women has been so helpful to me. Some days are easier than others, but I am on my way to peace. I hope you are too!

Love,

Lori