Discuss your troubles, compare ex's, offer suggestions, and share stories!
After reading some of the posts on this site I decided I would like to contribute my story to see if there's anyone out there ina similar situation. Me and my ex had been together since highschool (amounting to 8 years). In January we conceived a baby boy, who is due in 2 weeks. Although he says now that it isn't what he wanted and that I pressured him, I do want to say that I did not trick him into anything. He knew I was not on birth control and I did not poke holes in our condoms. During that time I also decided to buy a house in my name for us. His credit was not good enough to put the house in his name. Anyway, in July he decided that he wanted to split up, using the excuse that I was being selfish and that I knew he wasn't ready for another baby, we already have a 3 year old, and he didn't want to live in a house that was not technically his. Well 3 weeks after the break up my 3 year old tells me about some woman and her son that her daddy and her went with to her uncle's basketball game. I confronted him about it, him saying it is just a friend. I knew then it wasn't. I was mad because he was with someone else and this woman had a son. So he wanted to play house with her and not me, and on top of that he wanted to play house with my daughter????? As the weeks have went by I find out that almost every time he has my daughter he is with this woman and her son. It makes me think it is pretty seriuos. The cake topper is that this past weekend his family (who knew me obviously) and this woman threw him a baby shower for our son at her house!!!!!!! I feel like I'm dying. I can't stop these thoughts I have and I don't want my children around him or her. It makes me physically sick. I haven't even had the baby yet. It makes me feel like I'm so worthless and that everything I've done for him wasn't enough. Now he wants to be with someone else and her child, yet he wasn't ready to have a baby with me. I wish I could feel better, but everyday seems worse. I feel myself slipping further and further into the darkness and it makes me sick to think he is happy and I am a wreck. And then he brings our children into it. I don't know what to do or how I will ever feel okay again. This depression is affecting my abilities as a mother, my job, and my self-esteem. Why does this happen??
This happens because of selfish men who just drop their life with someone to do whatever they selfishly want. I think you really should see if you can find a counselor to talk things out. You stated this is affecting your parenting, your job and how you are functioning right now. You don't want to fall apart because of a selfish fool.
I am so sorry to hear that he and this woman, along with his family, threw him a baby shower and did not think of you in the least. What a horribly rotten cold hearted thing to do...do these people even have a conscience??? I am a firm believer in what goes around comes around and that we reap what we sow.
Hang in there for yourself, your little girl and the new son you will have. I know all these people broke your heart...but even though it hurts so much now, you do not need people like this in your life. When I look back and see the people that betrayed me during my ex's affair and how I can just be dropped out of peoples lives after 20 years of knowing them and how they just let this girl he had the affair with and is living with now take my place I just shake my head and thank God none of them are part of my life anymore.
I have let go of my anger now after being divorced for 5 years and really feel sorry for people like that. People without compassion are not worth letting into your life and poisoning it. I can't say it doesn't hurt once in a while when I see one of these people or have a flash of a memory, but if I do, I just set it aside and learn from it all.
I now know who I can trust and who are my real friends and some people never know this until something like a divorce or a betrayal helps them to see this. You are not going to get over this in one night, but you can come out of this stronger, happier and with more compassion for others. I know you can't feel these things now but it is better to see something poisonous now and deal with it than to not know until years have passed and this poison seeps deeper into a life you have made for yourself.
I think a counselor may also have suggestions finding sources that will help you learn what rights you have as a mother to these children. Hang in there and know you are not alone. My boys were 7 and 9 when my ex had his affair and brought my two sons right into it. We now share the job of raising our sons. At times they are with me and at times they are with their father and this girl, but I look back now and am thankful I am not living a lie with my ex and I now have the freedom to look for someone who truly knows what love is and it isn't selfishness.
I totally agree with susan. Counseling will be good. dont let him bring you down. This is what he is trying to do. That way he can say you are unstable and try for the children. As for blaming you for the pregnancy that is just what men do when they are the ones that are actually doing wrong. Contact a lawyer there is such a thing that significant others cannot be around the children until the divorce is final. As for his family . My ex's family was the same way , they just did this to hurt you. It's hard but dont let them get under your skin. Show them that this is not going to destroy you but make you stronger. hang in there it will be ok.