Discuss your troubles, compare ex's, offer suggestions, and share stories!
I hit my down last week as you know. If you remember I got the call from the girlfriend but I missed it. I texted and got no response? You remember.
My fantastic, loving, decent new partner walked away because he could no longer watch me spiral out of control.
Saturday, i texted my ex husband to say his 'havent seen that b'''' for months' girlfriend had called me. He went ballistic. saying he's gonna sort her out blah blah blah.
Monday, I go to house to collect more of my things but it is locked (i have key but he twisted conservatory key so I couldnt get in). So I (smelling a great giant rat) drive through to his work for key.
Earlier in the morning Id had 'we belong together..blah blah blah, Im sitting waiting for you, blah blah blah'. Except Im thinking hes lying but I just can not prove it and the one person who can is refusing to call me.
Get to his work, his mobile phone keeps ringing, I say 'you are full of s### and that is your girlfriend calling so anser it'.
Eventually I see phone when I call him out as a liar and it is indeed the girlfriends name. I drive off telling him he is just a liar.
I tell you ladies he texted me 30 seconds later saying it wasnt her name (I assure you I am not blind).
Bless me if the girlfriend didnt ring me right then.
And it all came out. Everything. Lies deciet. He'd played a not so clever game with the aim of keeping her as back up in case I didnt go back.
She was told I was the psycho ex wife who wouldnt leave him alone, crying, begging etc etc. I was always told she was the psycho woman hounding him to death.
I went to pick her up, my ex hubby had walked past me to hit the pub at 11.30 to drowned his sorrows.
Me and the girlfriend swapped phones reading the texts. and as we are sitting in my car together we are both receiving textas from him!!! LOLS!
We exchange detailes stories and the mist from my mind clears. The dirty tricks this man has pulled regarding my son is beyond belief!! BEYOND!
We go and find him at pub, I say 'sit down and deal with this like a man, dont run away'. He runs away. I shout, Who are you? He says 'you know who I am' and I ask 'So who does (girlfriends name)know? he says 'a drunken sh''
She is stood at the side of me. Not nice.
She is black and blue from a recent beating from him. Because she rang my phone and he was with her, she had found texts that he has sent to me..... He apparently hits her a lot. Only once ever did he hit me during the divorce, never throughout our history.
I try to convince her to press charges. She says she will but doesnt.
We spend several hours talking, my phone is going non stop. Ringing, texts, crazy.
I get home and decide enough is enough and phone the police. Police arrive and my phone is still going nuts, .
I ask for harassment warning to be issued. On the way to issue the warning, i am now receiving all texts between the two of them because he has decided to vindicate himself by sending her texts to me too!!
I am simply not responding at all. She has been living in my house and he has been there most of time, whilst convincing me he sleeps at work in his office floor because the business is doing so badly he cant afford taxis. Which is why he couldnt have our son. !!!!
When he cancelled our son last minute bank holiday i told hi if I ever found out he dumped our son for her he would be very sorry. Guess whos crying now?
Stupidly long story short, I have harassment out against him, have asked CSA to sort out child maintanance (he can con me all he likes but you cant con csa) have had solicitor send out letter telling him all contact with our son has been stopped until it is resolved in court, have changed my phone number, have sent him document to sign permitting me to take my son on holiday with new partner (who said he had been waiting for me to simply do what I needed to do to save myself-end contact.)I then rang his mu to explain why I had done what I have done, she said at last I have decided to look after me and do the right thing.
Ladies, I am feeling so much better. He wanted me yup he did, but he also lied, deceived and behaved like a scum bag when not necessary. The girlfriend has gone back (I knew she would, she couldnt wait for me to do him for harassment and advised me (lol) that I should ignore him for the rest of my life because I deserve to ove on!). She is very silly. We spoke long into the night on the phone and everything she was telling me had me going wow he's ten times worse than how he was with me! Im listening to her thinking, Id forgotten how awful he actually is. Man it worked like a treat. The thing is, shes besotted with him but her life isnt going to be worth living down the road. I have tried to tell her but it has fallen on deaf ears. What can i say? He's beating her up for heavens sake and shes run back. Its crazy!!
hes emailed me today about 20. ive made a special folder 'moron' where they will be redirected.
It would appear the man is somewhat unhappy.
Tomorrow I am busy looking at some really lovely properties to rent for the duration with my new partner, the one who is ethical, moral, decent, respectful, considerate, loving, kind, yeah that guy.
If my new partner had not come back, it would have made no difference. I am fortunate he has the tolerance of a saint when it comes to me. The truth is I saw my ex husband as the man everyone else sees. It only took me almost 19 years.
He has shattered the glass. I am free. there will still be days I am sure that the mist will come my way but I am over the worst. I have finally done what everyone said I must do a long time ago and I have severed all ties with him. I have spent 18 months carrying around an extra phone just for him, checking for messages, being involved in texts wars, listening to him crying, listening to how much he loves me. I have been a slave to a 4 inch phone! I thought I couldnt live without it. The truth is I couldnt live with it!
I started hearing the text music when it wasnt actually on....my brain was so used to hearing it!
I may not have done grieving but my I can see the light, I honestly can.
Last week I was pretty close to doing something drastic because he had worked on me yet again. I had allowed it. If I allowed contact now, I would be back in the same place very quickly. In the end I had to decide not to allow him.
Saturday night I laid in bed and prayed out loud. I told God I am lost, I have no idea what is truth what is a lie and I have no idea which way I should turn, I finished byasking God if he could give me a nudge in the right direction I would really appreciate it. I also said I no longer wished to be happy just at peace.
Monday every question I had was answered. Every single one. Either God answered me and decided I needed more than just a push or I have someone looking out for me up there.
Ladies, our lifes can turn around very quickly, even when we think the pain is going to stay forever, its simply not true. It can take time but when it happens it can be quite sudden. Something inside me has changed and at this moment in time I cant honestly say I still love my husband. Maybe I will feel differently again another day, but this is the first time I can breath without the constant nagging pain. Im hoping it just gets better and easier. A dip now and again I can live with.
I wanted to share this because over the weekend I read many posts and drew so much strength from them, I didnt reply because I was so far down in the pit. Today I am not and I want to share with those who are hurting and believing its endless, that no it isnt. It will become easier and one day that pang in your stomache wont be there. And we can all live again and laugh. Really laugh. And look forward to Christmas and birthdays. All those normal things that become a mine field.
One day the mist clears and we see them for who they are without our feelings of love warping everything.
We eventually see what everyone around us has always seen. And thats the road to recovery.
Thank you my invisible friends for sharing what you have, at times you have reached a hand to me when no one else could get through. I will be forever thankful to this site and all you women. Invisible women who have given strength and a hope that we can get through it.
Bless everyone of you.
I am so happy for you. GOD listened to your prayers and provided you with guidance but it was you who claimed the strength to move on. I do believe that peace and all good things come to good, kind hearted people. Our men(stbx's) are clearly on self destructive paths in which the same behaviors are and will continue to be repeated. As painful as my experience has been & at times still is, I really aim to never accept any behavior that is less then I deserve. I wish that for all the women on this site that are hurting & unable to make that decision due to the emotional distress they are in. I ache for these women & am so comforted by the genuine love that we all provide to each other. You are so deserving of the love and respect from your new partner. Give yourself permission to be happy without any distractions from any negative influences. & "women" whether you think you can or think you can't, you are right ~Henry Ford
Abbey, that is so awesome and I am SO happy for you! The twists and turns of life are really something! You sound incredibly strong in your message, now your better life can begin. You will be an inspiration to me and I am sure to many others as well. wishing you much love and peace as you begin your new journey, hopefully this one will bring calmer waters, you deserve it! It's like you are tested and tested and if you don't give up, if you don't lose faith, you win. And the prize is PEACE.
That is so awesome Abbey!!!!!!
I'm so happy you have made a turn around.
Good for you. It took me 20 years to see my ex in the true light of things as well. I never want to look back again or deal with someone like him in the future either. So glad you found someone that you deserve.
Wow, you are my hero! I am so impressed with the presence of mind you had to coordinate with the girlfriend and expose this guy. What a miserable creature! You are both better off without him. I hope the GF has the inner strength to stay away from him. A huge understatement to say he really blew it!!!! Best of everything and stay strong!