Womans Divorce Forum

Discuss your troubles, compare ex's, offer suggestions, and share stories!

Womans Divorce Forum
Start a New Topic 
Author
Comment
View Entire Thread
Re: What to do when he says

Lisa, I don't think he is at all scared, just trying to make out he is the good guy. He is a fireman and he sees himself as an upstanding member of the community, yeah right! I don't know, but I might leave it another week and then maybe when I have the strength to accept his call I will keep it short and to the point about the house etc., nothing about my personal life. Not that I think he cares about that either. If I let him hear that I am doing ok he might then start legal proceedings. Not sure,he is so hard to read as he has lied to me for so long. Its my birthday soon so I will be very interested to see if he buys me a present like he did with the ***** he had the affair with. This was while he was coming and going over the 3 mths and having sex with me. He is a very confused puppy! My Psych likens him to an adolescent teenager, which I tend to agree with. The more I look at him the more I see the depth of his guilt and shame. But at the end of the day, thats his problem, I know this, but why do we women feel it our duty/job to help them?? Hanging in there one day at a time.

Re: What to do when he says

Maybe you could give him quick answers on official things like fixing the home, questions on things that need to be settled for official reasons, but stay away from any personal talk. I agree with keeping him guessing when it comes to your private life and feelings. You need this control in your life. I am also a firm believer in "Smile because they think you're up to something technique and if you do have anything the court should know never get to close to him to have him talk your secrets out of you. I lived with a controlling husband...they want to know all and see all, but it is just the opposite for them. They feel you have no business into their business...it is a two way street with them. You do have to have some communication if you have things you need to discuss about a divorce, your home etc.... but use short quick answers and treat him more as a business partner and not a husband or a friend....he proved to you he wasn't.

Susan

Re: What to do when he says

Thats exactly how he is treating me, as a business transaction. I on the other hand am dealing with the emoitonal side of losing my home, my marriage, my best friend. I asked him if he woke up one day, one month, one year from now and realised this was all a huge mistake, would he have the guts to tell me. Or would he feel that he can't back down on his decision or lose face with his mates. He told me if that ever happened he hoped we would still be on talking terms and he could talk to me. Go figure! Do we call this hedging our bets, or me just hanging on to any hope that he will do this, because I along with the majority of our friends believe the same. He degraded our marriage to his ***** to justify his affair! thats the part that has destroyed me, and him sharing our sex life with her in journals, that also destroyed me and my self esteeem. How could someone do that to another person without realising the impact he would have on me. But then again he thought he was so good at lying and hiding stuff he would never have guessed I would have foudn what I did. It breaks my heart when I relive the words he wrote. The sun came up today and I am alive, so have to focus on good thoughts, not destructive demons living in my head. thanks again for caring.

Re: What to do when he says

Hey Jo,

My ex was a fireman also. I helped him study to get on while we were dating. He was on for 20 years while also building homes. Unknown to me at the time he started having an affair with this young girl and because he put in 20yrs he decided to take the early retirement they offered at this time. He told me it was because he wanted to put more into his construction job but as I look back I can see now that it was around the time he started his affair with her and he just wanted more time to spend with her. When we tried a few times to make it work out he confessed he wished he had never retired early....but he ended up with the girl anyways so who knows what lies he was telling???? That's how he met this 25 year old girl...he was building a house for her and her husband...Long story. To sum it up quick....Just two selfish people" Also....some of the stories I heard about firemen from him would curl your toes and I know there is probably so much more he never told me. Just glad I don't have to live with him anymore. Liars destroy lives.....

Susan But like you said...look on the bright side of things. I see now what I have escaped from. Try and have a nice day.