Womans Divorce Forum

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Needing to vent

Hi all. I'm new to this, but like you looking for support to get me through. I've been following your posts for a week now, crying with and praying for each of you. I've been married for 19 years and separated for almost 9 months. I'm glad he moved out and just want an end to the emotional turmoil. Our marriage has always been very one sided -- he works, takes trips and buys "toys" while I work, take care of the kids, maintain the house, look after the pets, etc. etc. After 19 years, I feel like a sponge that's been completely wrung out. Oh and did I mention the other woman? His mother. He involves her in every decision he makes. She even has control of all of his money! I've wanted a divorce for a long time but he just won't let go and I'm afraid of what he and his family will put me and the kids through (daughters - 16 & 11). In fact, he walked out five years ago and became so mentally unstable I let him come back because I was afraid he would hurt himself and wanted to keep myself between him and the girls. (He's never been physically abusive - just emotionally and he doesn't drink or do drugs.) Now we're right back to where we were five years ago -- he left yet he doesn't want to lose me and is threatening suicide if I don't take him back, etc., etc. I just don't know what to do because I believe he would do something to himself. He's a cop and carries a gun 15 hours a day, and he's a lieutenant no less about to be promoted to a captain. So if I say anything to his superiors, it would most likely destroy his entire career and that really would push him over the edge. I'm trying to get him to go to a counselor with me hoping a professional will help him deal better. Other than that I pray, and cry ... and look for a few friends to help me get through this.

Thank you for letting me vent and for posting here. I know that I will get through this. God will provide a way. And I know that each and every one of you will get through this too. Stay strong!

Re: Needing to vent

Can I suggest you do call his superiors as you will be doing him and you a favour. Only cowards threaten suicide, to threaten suicide is one thing, to go through with it is another. Its a cry for help, and he obviously needs it, but so do you. Don't continue to be the one blamed and made take on his baggage. You can talk to his superiors in a confidential way as he is also a danger to the public if he loses it on a job, think of the consequences for everyone here, not just him, but you and your kids. I had my first husband threaten suicide and the best thing I did was to stand up to him, call his parents and told them to come and get him as I wasn't cleaning up the mess, it worked a treat and blew them all away. It will be hard, but keep in mind its everyones safety here that is important.