wow, that is super scary. I can't speak from personal experience. But I have a friend who divorced after she found out her husband molested their kids and she was pregnant with their third. Kids weren't allowed to testify. He got off criminal charges and was allowed visitation. I think it is tough, I don't know legalities but I would guess that suggesting he will hurt his daughter because he was hurt will not hold. I just feel like the way things are, being concerned about something isn't enough. unfortunately, something has to happen before help comes. Perhaps this is counter-intuitive...but could you hold on until your daughter is old enough to talk? (Can you pretend previous conversations about divorce never happened? As if you said what you said out of anger and not from the heart?) Believe me, I know it is so hard to live with someone you don't want to be with (I am doing it now, he sleeps in the basement, I am learning to tolerate the situation OK and move on but it has been really hard). I just worry for your daughter. If you are in the same home, you can keep your eye on her. You could sleep in her room so you don't have to be with him and so she will be safe. When she is older, you can teach her about "bad touch" and what to do if (God forbid) it happens. Hopefully he is not that sick, maybe he has issues and goes to other women but would not be so deviant as to hurt his own baby. Good you were made aware, you can be vigilant. I would also talk to a therapist to learn what danger signs to look for both in him and your daughter. It makes me sick in my stomach just thinking about it, I can't imagine how you must feel. Pray a lot, protect her however you can, which includes teaching her to say NO. if he tries and she can yell no at him it might be enough to knock a bit of sense into him. Not going into details, things were done to me when I was a child...and I honestly didn't know that saying "no" was an option. So telling her will empower her. As incredibly hard as it is, I think you should be as calm as you can to him. Get some therapy to help you to stay calm. Find out all you need about getting a divorce. Don't mention it again until everything is lined up. Get info from his family, get financial documents together. I think I'd also contact a women's shelter for advice. Do what you can quietly and make sure you and your daughter will be safe. Good luck, I'll pray for you both.

That is great advice. Ironically my mom and dad did that with me (good touch bad touch and "NO!") because they were aware that one of my dad's family member was a molester. I never had to worry though cause they didn't leave me alone with anyone that might hurt me. I am going to be the same way with my daughter. It just breaks my heart that this could come between her and her father. I want her to have a relationship with him but not at that cost.

Hi tired, I do not believe that you would have any justification to stop contact on the grounds that your husband was abused. Most people who have been abused do not go on to abuse others although most abusers have been abused in the past, if that makes sense?
Also there is a huge leap between paedophilia and seeing other women. Most paedophiles date women to groom those womens children. Do the women your husband has been seeing have children? If not then perhaps the issues for him are surrounding faithfulness? You mentioned sexual deviance. Is this refering to his infidelity or are you meaning something different altogether?
Have his mom and sister always been concerned about your daughter or has it just come to light?
Sorry Im just asking questions to get a better picture. We all need to be vigilant around our children, Im sure your daughter will be protected as you are already aware of any possible danger.

Abbey and Strongspirit are right about not being able to keep him from your daughter because he was molested. Though it is a fear that you shouldn't dismiss.
You say you have until November until he come home? Start getting things together. How long has he been gone? Maybe you could ask for supervised visitations at first, on the grounds that your daughter doesn't really know him and it would be harmful for her to "just be thrown with a man she doesn't know" (I don't know I'm grasping here) Find any loop hole you can to ask for supervised visits. You can request no over nights. I'm not sure. I wish there was a sure fire answer for you.
I hope I do not offend you by this....Be sure that you are doing this for sheer concern for you daughter, and not because you are mad at him. A judge will smell out your anger and use it against you.
I only say this for your benefit. You have time until you really HAVE to deal, take that time to get yourself ready. Be prepared for anything he may throw at you. Go online look up everything and anything about anything you are concerned about. Get all your important documents copied or store originals some where you can get to them right away. Do you have money saved? Do you have somewhere to go? Make sure you take this time to really really get prepared. It will help you in the long run.

Not sure what your financial situation is, but im pretty sure any account he has you can get access to because you are married (even if your name isnt on the account). Just a thought to look into to i guess, but if i were you i would get as much money out of the bank as possible before he cleans it out, ive known this to happen to more than one woman (including myself). Also consider looking into military law, as a member of the military he is subject to different laws to a certain degree (most of which are more strict than civilian), and of course save any messages you receive from him. Good luck

Good point about military laws. My ex was in the military and if he would still be in, I would be entitled to over half of his check because he cheated. The frown on that big time

Lisa
can you clarify what you mean by you were entitled to have his paycheck b/c he cheated. My husband is in the military & he cheated. Did you get any of his military pension & if so did this amount to a lot?

I only wish my ex would have cheated when he was in the military.
When I was in NY my friend caught her ex cheating, phone records and such. She reported him to his officer in charge. She gets over half of his pay (alimony) he was lucky he was allowed to keep his rank. They do not want or need bad raps. They side with the wife.
Now I am entitled to a % of his retirement he gets now. He get med. retirement from the VA and I am fighting to get my % of it now.

Thanks for the advice ladies. I am so so tired of fighting with him over his "addiction" with online porn, dating websites, etc. Everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie.
What concerns me is that when I talked to his sister (she is two years younger than him), she said as children she remembered him being "innapropriate" with her. He never molested her, but she said he would hold her down against her will and tickle or or spank her even when she told him she didn't want him to. Also she remembers him stealing her panties a couple times...and his parents busted him for making 900 number calls at 11 years old...why in the world they wouldn't warn me of this BEFORE I married him I have no idea.
Maybe if push came to shove (I have proof of the online stuff) she could testify to his nature and in combination with recent stuff perhaps this would persuade a judge to put off any over night visits for awhile...I am being as kind as possible to him and he has agreed to giving me full custody once we file for divorce, but he could change his mind who knows.
I am just praying he would never hurt our baby. I am never leaving him alone with her. Wish me luck.

If you could get his sister and mother to go to court with you and tell them there concerns that would definately give you the upper hand. Also if he is doing on line porn/dating and paying for it try to get copies of his statements or some kind of proof that he is doing this. All this info will definately help u in court. Good luck