I have been married for 14 years. I came into my stepsons life when he was 6. My husband has always had custody of him. I raised him like he was mine. BUT as he got older I started to get treated like the wicked stepmother. Especially once he got to high school. My husband works out of state a great deal and I was basically left to raise him and our two daughters that we have together alone the majority of the time. My stepson caught on to the game of playing us against each other and he used it to his full advantage. Well now that he is 20 he thinks he can come and go from our home like he wants and speak to me whatever way he wants and feels its okay to do it. He still lies to his father about how half the arguments start of course to his benefit which causes an argument between my husband and myself. The last argument that took place a little over 3 weeks ago around my birthday to be exact he told me to leave him alone and not to speak to him. I was and still am at my wits end with him told him fine that he got what he wanted. Not to come to me for anything or talk to me about anything. (I know this may have been a little childish on my part but, I have been dealing with this for soo long..I have just had enough of dealing with him.) Needless to say this caused an argument between my husband and I because his son pulls him right in the middle. My stepson knows I will not say two words to him, so he goes to his dad to get answers for him from me. He says I treat him like a child and I tell him to stop acting like one and I wouldn't treat him like one. He wants to be an adult at his convenience. HELP I am really at my wits end with this whole mess. I love my husband, but I am tired of dealing with his spoiled 20 year old son. I am seriously looking into a divorce because I can't deal with this whole situation any longer. I have a mentally disabled daughter that is younger than he is besides a "surprise" toddler that we welcomed 2 years ago. I should not have to be dealing with him still wanting all the attention and having the world stop for him when things are not working to his advantage. I have more important things. to deal with...like my disabled daughter that has gone under for him her whole life. Please help I need some serious advice...I have no one else I can get help from or understand what I am going through...

Well, my kids are 16 and almost 10 so not quite where you are but I can offer my opinion. I think if he is 20, you can lay down some rules. Either out, or show some respect. At 20...come on, he can get a job and get out. I am sure it is easier said than done, but I do tell my 16-year-old he is not staying at my house for free while he does nothing. So after he graduates, either college or work, but he can't disrespect me. Don't get me wrong, my son is a great kid and I love him a lot but he has his moments of testing his limits and I am very firm that I will not (and do not have to!) tolerate rudeness and disrespect. I can imagine it is a million times harder with a stepson but you have been there most of his life! Best thing is stay calm. Whether cantankerous stbx or kids, they all like to get a rise out of us and the calmer we stay, the calmer they get. When my son gets nasty with me, I tell him I will get a recorder so he can hear how he sounds. Can you do this? Just calmly tell him how he sounds and say you will record him. Then do. You can either get him without him knowing, or give him the choice to willingly be on film acting like a 2-year-old or get on his better behavior for camera's sake. You are right, your mentally disabled daughter needs and deserves much more attention and care, as well as your youngest. He is an adult, about time he starts acting like one. Do you think he's put out by his half-sisters? Maybe that's why he acts up. No offense to him but I think he should be more mature. I don't know. I'd just focus my attention on my daughters. Let him come and go. He should go soon enough and live his own life. The more you argue over him the more he wins and I can imagine the more he smiles. He probably needs his dad to work through stuff. Your husband should step up. But you can't force him to either. Really tough, but I'd seriously back off of him. I am sure you love him so just be there as best as you can, but when nastiness starts, put it to an end. Boys take a bit longer to mature, hang in there. God knows that's all we can do sometimes!