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Re: just sad & venting

My ex hit girlfriend #2 with in 2 months...this from a man who could not live with out me.
I say let the gf have him, I got the best he had to offer me, two beautiful boys that I would give up for the world

Re: just sad & venting

You know we all kind of sound the same on here. Dont men have any emotions at all? Mine is divorcing me, he left the state and I am stuck dealing with everything. I dont want him back. But every letter,or email I get from the lawyer, I am sick to my stomach, shakey and upset the whole day...he is in Ca. having a great time. I feel like I was a fool through the whole marriage. Just like your first post, like I never really knew him.

********************************************
Even in the common affairs of life, in love, friendship,
and marriage, how little security have we when we trust
our happiness in the hands of others!
William Hazlitt (1778-1830)

Re: just sad & venting

Kat, the quote you posted is so true & something we should all strive for. I recommend the movie my brilliant career. It's an old movie but a true story about a strong, independent feisty woman that chose pursuing a career over love. She was a strong voice for women as you can imagine because her story influenced me & she was born in 1879.

Re: just sad & venting

I'm feeling the same today again. I was ok last night, slept well for the first time in a long time. Got in the car to go to work, my Mum called to say she was in hospital. She had a knee operation a month ago and now there is an infection and they have to do the operation again. She was crying, which really upset me, just another level of sadness. Also my brother is having surgery next week as he has just come through bowel cancer and they are removing the cholostomy bag in reverse surgery. All this has been going on whilst my husband was having an affair and left me 4 mths ago. Then after getting off the phone to Mum, my husband calls (didn't answer) to ask what the rent is on our investment property so he can talk to a real estate to sell it. Then tells me in his message he is having a day off tomorrow and going diving! As if I care what he does, why tell me! and then says he wants to come up to the house on Sunday. I feel sick and anxious every time he calls or emails and he sounds like a 17yr old with his ums and ums and more ums can't string a sentence together. I have been crying and I wonder what more can happen. Just when I think I am getting stronger more sadness overwhelms me.

Re: just sad & venting

Hang in there, Jo. All these posts I read really remind me of what I had gone through during it all. If I had to write down everything I could fill a volume of books...We all could...we all have a story to our lives and divorce is what pulls all our stories together. As soon as my ex was out of our home...and even before I knew about the affair...he was out on the town acting like a 16 year old...everyone knows everything in a small town except the one being cheated on...but when you find out then everyone else's comes out of the woodwork to tell you what they have seen. Just know you are not alone and that maybe these men do not see their own shame or their girlfriends as well...but other's do. Hold your head high and push on because in time there is a healing and light to all this darkness.

You as well as the others are all in my thoughts and prayers today.
Susan

Re: just sad & venting

Isn't it the truth about everyone knowing but you. After I finally had enough of my ex I was talking to a friend ( well at least I thought she was) and find out she had seen my ex with OW a couple of times at the bar. Amazes me how she didn't feel the need to tell me. A number of people have come to me to tell me how sorry they are and that they had see my ex with OW but didn't know what to do. HA! I know what they should have done, but I refuse to share common sense knowledge with stupid people, it's a waste of time

Re: just sad & venting

I think they just are at a loss sometimes...they may not want to be the ones to bring out all that hurt and pain they know we will have to face and sometimes I think they wonder if we get back together and never end up divorcing what will they look like to us. I don't think they really understand, without going through it themselves, how we would have liked to have know even though we may have wish it was never happening. I also think they may wonder if we already know and would just be even more embarrassed by having them tell us. There may be a few people out there who just don't tell us because they really don't care, but I try to put myself in their place...but I can't because it has happen to me and so I would let someone else know now. But as I think back when I was first young and married, we had friends who were going through divorce and I never really, truly understood how they felt. I do now. I have walked a million miles in someone else's shoes.

Susan

Re: just sad & venting

Jo

sorry its not going too well. They 'tell us' stuff to have the desired effect. I can promise you this when they start hearing 'stuff' back, they dont like it one little bit but while you are down he will use his power.
Why they do it, im not really sure, mine liked to do it firstlly because he thought the jealousy would get me back and secondly because he likes to create doubt in my mind, 'have I made a mistake?'. Third just for sheer spite!
When we get to a certain point I dont believe we will be spiteful, we will just be getting on with life and that will hurt more simply because we are being real, no motive. Thats gotta hurt when they finaly realise we are over them, bye bye power.
How you feel now wont last forever and you will climb back up but when you get to the top you will be free. The exs seem to just recreate the misery forthemselves, because they dont change.
My husband partied like a teenager, it drove me mad, I was miserable and he was living the life. During one of out talks he told me its all a front, that he drinks to numb the pain but its still there the next day. He told me he was so lonely but just in a room of people who actually he didnt want to be with.

The image they send and we get is not always what it seems to be. They are just much better at pretending than us.

Because you are already low any knock will have a double effect. Take care of yourself in any way you can.

Re: just sad & venting

Ladies,
Thank you all for expressing your feelings. I do not feel so alone. I have been divorced for 9 months. I was married for 28 years to a man w/ addictions. As time passed, his addictions grew stronger. The relationship slowly evolved into what I could do for him. When I finally realized that he would never be the functioning man I married and that he was a black hole of need, I made the break. Even though this was the healthy decision, it doesn't make it easy. I feel betrayed. We were supposed to have a good life together. We had goals and plans. We were soul mates.(Or so I thought) I mourn this loss everyday, but I don't miss him. I am angry, hurt, lonely, confused and just sad. My life feels surreal. I know that as time passes, this will get better. And for now, some days are better than others. I have chosen not to communicate w/ him at all. I feel that this is the only way I can heal. Thanks for listening.

Re: just sad & venting

I have also only just joined the no communication approach. It is hard in one way, easier in another.
Im sad but without the rollercoaster of emotions he would fuel (text wars etc). I left in April 2009 and only now are we really breaking ties.
Im hoping the worst is behind now.
Im looking forward to a morning I will wake up and hes not my first thought one way or another. Then Ill know Im getting there.

I think in sharing our feelings we can use more perspective and see it as a process; a process with common themes but more importantly a process that we will survive. I have gotten more strength, encouragement and hope from listening to others on this forum than anywhere else.

Ups and downs are all accepted here.