Jo

sorry its not going too well. They 'tell us' stuff to have the desired effect. I can promise you this when they start hearing 'stuff' back, they dont like it one little bit but while you are down he will use his power.
Why they do it, im not really sure, mine liked to do it firstlly because he thought the jealousy would get me back and secondly because he likes to create doubt in my mind, 'have I made a mistake?'. Third just for sheer spite!
When we get to a certain point I dont believe we will be spiteful, we will just be getting on with life and that will hurt more simply because we are being real, no motive. Thats gotta hurt when they finaly realise we are over them, bye bye power.
How you feel now wont last forever and you will climb back up but when you get to the top you will be free. The exs seem to just recreate the misery forthemselves, because they dont change.
My husband partied like a teenager, it drove me mad, I was miserable and he was living the life. During one of out talks he told me its all a front, that he drinks to numb the pain but its still there the next day. He told me he was so lonely but just in a room of people who actually he didnt want to be with.

The image they send and we get is not always what it seems to be. They are just much better at pretending than us.

Because you are already low any knock will have a double effect. Take care of yourself in any way you can.

Ladies,
Thank you all for expressing your feelings. I do not feel so alone. I have been divorced for 9 months. I was married for 28 years to a man w/ addictions. As time passed, his addictions grew stronger. The relationship slowly evolved into what I could do for him. When I finally realized that he would never be the functioning man I married and that he was a black hole of need, I made the break. Even though this was the healthy decision, it doesn't make it easy. I feel betrayed. We were supposed to have a good life together. We had goals and plans. We were soul mates.(Or so I thought) I mourn this loss everyday, but I don't miss him. I am angry, hurt, lonely, confused and just sad. My life feels surreal. I know that as time passes, this will get better. And for now, some days are better than others. I have chosen not to communicate w/ him at all. I feel that this is the only way I can heal. Thanks for listening.

I have also only just joined the no communication approach. It is hard in one way, easier in another.
Im sad but without the rollercoaster of emotions he would fuel (text wars etc). I left in April 2009 and only now are we really breaking ties.
Im hoping the worst is behind now.
Im looking forward to a morning I will wake up and hes not my first thought one way or another. Then Ill know Im getting there.

I think in sharing our feelings we can use more perspective and see it as a process; a process with common themes but more importantly a process that we will survive. I have gotten more strength, encouragement and hope from listening to others on this forum than anywhere else.

Ups and downs are all accepted here.