I want to tell you, I was so distraught when I first wrote on this site, I feel better and I will come here often to heal and to help to heal others. I am realizing that I have been put into a terrible tailspin,with everything crashing down on my shoulders alone. What kind of a human being would do that to anyone? A human being I have no room in my head or heart for. I am 45, and have two beautiful sons who need me {I broke down crying in front of my 14 year old today and he threw his chicken sandwich and said "Mom, please stop crying, I can't stand it when you cry" and I realized, I have to be strong, I have no choice,I have to be here for him.} I will survive this, I felt like I wanted to die today,crawl into a hole and never come out, but I can't and I won't.This road will be the hardest one I walk down...I need you all..Really.. to be here for me, Thank you all

Hi Kat/Kris! I feel the same way about this forum. I have a therapist that I love, but this group of women has helped me break through in a new way. Everyone here is either still feeling the pain that you are, or is moving through the stages that you will be. I know what you mean about being strong for your kids. My daughter was very confused and a little surprised by the way I was talking and behaving when it came to her dad and his new ...."friends",,, and I realized that I was becoming someone that not only she didn't recognize, but that I didn't like. Your son is learning that you have feelings, that you are a person and not just his mom, so don't feel like you've done anything wrong by showing your sadness. You haven't done anything wrong. But as the responsible parent, which I'll bet you have been by yourself, even before your husband left, you are deciding to use the strong unconditional love you have for your kids as a source of strength. See -- strong even when you don't feel like you are! Day by day we will all move through this together. And it will be ok.
Love,
Lori

Hi Kat

Every day can be a rollercoaster for quite some time, we will all get there in the end. Just dont be hard on yourself if there are days when things get the better of you and you dont always react as you might have wished.
We take on the responsibility of getting our children through this and perhaps over chastise ourselves when we are struggling. Then we heap a load of guilt on top of everything else.

One day I am strong the next not so but I dont feel Ive failed when I have a bad day, I try see it for what it is. Ive started being easier on myself. You must remember Kat that its ok to not be strong 24/7.
Be kind to yourself.

This site has inspired and helped me so much I am trying to implement a similar forum at my work for clients (domestic violenece). I have been off work but told my manager about this site, explaining that when unable to face anyone I could log on here and get so much strength and support and mostly hope. She thinks its a wonderful idea, I know it is.

Where better to get strength than from those who have shared exactly what you feel, all at different levels in the process. This place and all the Ladies on here are truly a lifeline.

Hi Abbey,I posted again tonight about a hundred different feelings and emotions I am going through. I want to Thank you for your kindness and understanding, It really means alot to me. Love, Kris

Hi Lori, I just reread your last response to me,Thank you foe making me feel better, Love Kris