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Re: Divorced for 5 years

Ahhh, sounds like a bit of resentment getting to you? I am SO familiar with this feeling! I have been married almost 20 years, been terrible 99% of the time. He will NOT leave, I cannot afford to. (Besides, he's the one being an a$$h0le, why should I give up my home and uproot my kids???) So for me...why does he get to go to sleep when he is tired, while I fight my tiredness because I have so much to do? Why do I scrimp and save and make meals that will have leftovers I can disguise while he goes out to eat every night? Why do I deny myself special treats while he buys round after round of drinks for himself and who knows who else? Why does he get to say he has 2 kids without doing ANY of the parenting?? Why does he get to have friends while I have been socially isolated because I have have been so busy with house/kids/school/work, not to mention my life-long companion depression? WHY? When he is so...so...well, you know. So here is my new trick. I have realized that my imagination is my worst enemy. When I imagine him happy while I suffer, I make myself imagine him miserable. I do something nice for myself. I'll treat myself. I'll do something fun with the kids and be thankful that I have them and that they trust me to always love them and always be there for them. I think how lucky I am to have the ability to think, to love, to feel. And then I think he must resent me. Because I have so much more than him, more than material things, I have a sense of what is right and wrong, what REALLY matters in life. People in my life trust me and know they can count on me because they know I will not lie or intentionally hurt anyone. He doesn't have the respect from a bug. he has nothing. he is an empty shell of a human being, desperately seeking outside things to fill him up. And then, resentment gets displaced by gratitude and humility. So try it. When you think of him with this other woman, think of how shallow their relationship is. When you think of him on vacation, remember how important you are and make "mini-vacations" for yourself, even if its curling up with a book and a glass of wine for an hour. And when you think of how he doesn't help with your special needs son, think of how lucky you are to have a sense of decency and motherhood to always be there for him. Imagine how when your son sees you, he feels safe and secure. And think of your other kids and your grand baby girl, how lucky you all are to have each other! Even though your children are grown, you can keep teaching them love. You have 'served your time' with an abusive man. Time to appreciate all that you are, something he wasn't able to do. When you start seeing things for what they REALLY are, resentment will go out the window. He just won't matter anymore.