Discuss your troubles, compare ex's, offer suggestions, and share stories!
wow
Dear women,
There are so many types of personalities in this forum and I can see so many common things that goes on and on in so many conversations. The forum is designed for women and there is nothing wrong to be a white raven here. This said I don t care if you need my word here or not. There is no black and white in our life to label people especially when dividing people by gender. Some of you said your husbands were drinkers or alcoholics, abusive toward you and/or your kids. The fact is: your relationship with your husbands did not work at some point of your life and he/she or both start exercising your power to control the other side regardless of the goal; saving the family or punishing the partner or showing his/her jealousy. The fact is that the relationship has gone wrong, failing down and is going to be the brake up in the family.
When I enter this forum I ask for an advice to know how shelters work in regard to children and schooling. Some of you were interested to know what my story is and I told you in brief. Some of you start suspecting the truth I told you and start accusing me for the situation I m in. With few posts in this forum there is no way any of you can get a sense of what really happened in my family and I m not intended to paint more pictures in this matter. Some, who shift the topic got lost in their approach from the main question. How shelters work? Respect to both sides of the conflict, this is what I m missing here. Can my wife be a bad girl? I can see some of your angry faces. Try to accept that girls can be bad too. Maybe I m the bad guy? That s not the point. And advising here to some ladies how to go toward their divorce, step by step, collecting data to use against their husbands is a conspiracy with gender solidarity. Now back to my posts and problems . Why you need to know our past to tell me how shelters work? Why you need to judge our past? Simple conversation with exchange of knowledge and experience dealing with our system, that we know all is not perfect at all, is what I was expecting to hear from here.
All your personal stories are soo touchy and I feel and I share your pain. Though I m not rushing to punish your husbands labeling or (name) calling them AH. There are true psycho s out there, everywhere. There are traumas where people turn to psychos. This forum might have some. The world is not perfect including any social network.
By now and good luck in your next life chapter.
Hunchback will become straight in the grave only. True for all, men and women, also for hunchbacks.
Sensing that "some of you" is me, I am going to reply one more time to you just so you get the picture. You are asking how shelters work but you do not think that your past relationship with your wife matters in getting the answer, right? Wrong.
Shelter: refuge; an establishment providing temporary accommodations and food for people in need
There are thousands of shelters. Shelters for the homeless, shelters for teens, shelters for pregnant teens, shelters for abused woman. There are even shelters for dogs, cats, snakes, ect....So the past history does matter because it will tell what kind of shelter she is in.
Ok that established. If your wife CLAIMS abuse. I am giving you the benefit of doubt here. SOMEONE believed her. They took her in, they promised to keep her hidden from you. That entails taking the kids out of the public school system. They are not going to call the school and say: "BTW, Joe and Jane Smith are not going to be attending school because they are at Battered Women and Children Shelter, 123 Maple Drive. Same goes for the address on the support orders. They are not going to make her give a physical address if she is in a shelter ( thats why she has a PO Box). Whether she is abused or not they will not compromise the safety of the other women and children that are living there. This is why no one you know knows where she is. For some reason your wife is fearful. Maybe it is make believe, maybe not. But it still stands that a shelter is protecting her and until your hearing in Oct. you are not going to find her or the kids. If you have a custody order and were awarded visitation and she has kept them from you during your scheduled time then you have the right to go to family court file contempt charges against her. UNLESS there really are charges against you for abuse, you will get to see your kids, and you will get make up time with them. She does not have the right to keep you away from your children if there are orders. If there are no orders then you are out of luck. File for custody of them yourself and see what happens.
Women do not just sit around and think of ways to "get" men. Maybe some do but they are the ones not here at a site asking for help and support. The have there own site somewhere I'm sure.Here we support each other, feel for each other and okay maybe give each other a little advise on how to get a leg up on the divorce or take a small amount of pleasure in the fact that our cheating ex's are getting what comes to them.
No one will truly understand your life, only you know the truth. Asking questions is not judging it is seeking truth. When you jump to defense mode and avoid direct questions that quickly then it begs the thought that something is amiss. If you are an innocent victim then stay true to who you are and allow karma to take it's sweet time. If you are not innocent then karma will get to you in turn. Karma is not gender sensitive.
Sam,
No offense to the women here, but, as a father, you are unlikely to get useful advice on this board. There is a (perhaps understandable) reflexive suspicion of men here.
I find that most posts here are simply emotional support rather than concrete advice and actions that would benefit your attempts to regain contact with your children.
I strongly suggest you look at the website www.dadsdivorce.com It is a community of fathers going through divorce.
I will warn you, however, those guys will play rough with you if they perceive that your interest is simply revenge on your wife or trying to get out of playing child support. 'The best interest of my kids' is the mantra over there and they will tell you that unless your wife is actually abusive to the kids, she should be in their lives. Even a deeply flawed mother or father is better than none at all.
They have little patience for fathers that don't take care of their kids or who simply want to whine about how unfair things are. Some of the advice is in the form of a 2 by 4 upside the head to man up and WORK on the problem.
If things are truly as you say in your post, and she is trying to leverage the ridiculous VAWA statues falsely, you will get a lot of support and very good (layman level) legal advice. You should have a good shot at 50/50 custody. You are unlikely to get more unless the mother is drastically and provably unfit, the court system has a strong female bias when it comes to custody.
You will also get advice on how to forestall her taking the kids out of the country without your permission. That is a real danger in a case such as yours. See www.justice.gov/criminal/ceos/ipk.html
If it comes out that "it's all about you" and the kids may actually be better off with your wife, they will tell you that very bluntly.
Fight for your kids,
Bill W.
ps. You should also be aware that if you do find your kids, you can simply pick them up. You are the father and in the absence of court orders, you have just as much right to them as the mother. I would also file for an immediate emergency order to return the children to the marital home (I hope you have a lawyer). If she is unable to prove abuse, your presence and stability in the home will work in your favor in the ensuing custody battle. She has made a big mistake in trying to play 'keep away' with the kids. Don't let it pass without taking advantage of it.