Summer can I say one thing? Don't waste your time on getting him to spend time with the kids.
LEts see if your family duties were the same as mine:
Hubby= lazy. Wanted everything handed to him without having to work for it.
Wife= did everything for him because for some idiotic reason (that I am still trying to figure out) wanted our marriage to be perfect and thought that I had to be the one to do it.
Father= dealt with the kids when he was FORCED to by wife or when it made him look good in front of family and friends. Has never felt the pain of sleepness
Mother=did everything for children. Fifty runs to the kitchen for drinks during a 2 hour long movie and then fifty runs to the potty because the child doesn't want to pee alone, endless night awake while she prays that her baby's fever will break, waking up in the middle of the night when her baby sleeps for the first full night because she fears something is wrong. Crys as he baby gets on that big yellow bus for the first time thinking "He is so little how can I make him go?"
The list of jobs or feelings that go with being a mother goes on and on and on. One of our most important jobs as their mother is making sure they live a healthy, safe and happy life. We often put aside our own needs to make sure they have everything.
Then one day the wife gets tired of the husband crap and leaves.Or husband leaves wife. That is when our job as Mother hurts the most. We watch as our children suffer, and often we blame ourselves which is the hardest thing to know that you have caused them hurt. But because we are strong we take life as it comes and do our best to let our children know we care.
Don't play the role of Mother and Father, it will only exhaust you more. Let him do his own thing as hard as that is. Let them know YOU love them. Make him take responsibility of showing the kids he loves them on his own If he falls on his face let him lay. Be the mother your kids need. They will thank you for it someday.

Lisa
Yeah that about sums it up although his family would say he is not lazy cause he worked so much..he worked a lot of hours, some of it heavy labor but most of it not. Long hours is tough on anyone. i stayed with him cause i felt (as his mother always reminded me) he worked so much just for us. He did it for himself, the pride he felt in making money and "providing" for his family, when the truth was, he did nothing more than provide for us and that was only the last 10 years. The thing is, I felt that i shouldnt complain because I didnt have to work, I got used to being ignored and directed my life towards the kids. He would come home, eat, drink and pass out, which was fine by me. It wasn't until the kids got older and I wanted to do something more for myself (go back to school) that things went really bad. He drank harder and was miserable, all of a sudden I wasnt paying attention to him and he couldnt have that. Now he never had to take care of the kids while I was in school, doing homework, or when I worked. I had to find babysitters and work everything around the kids schedules myself. I still cooked, cleaned etc but maybe the laundry wasnt finished or i didnt get to dust one day. I think his problem was that he felt if i went back to school and got a better job I wouldn't need him. He didnt want to lose his control over me. It is ironic that his gf is a well educated career gal with no kids, pretty much the opposite of me in many ways, and who he didnt want me to be. Oh well, he is her problem now. Well educated doesnt mean she is smart about men. Anyway, regarding his relationship with the kids: i would like it to be better, I would like my children to want to go see their dad, instead of calling me a hundred times to come get them. I dont want them to feel like their dad doesn't love them. I dont do anything to make them believe that, he does it all himself. I need the break too, I won't lie about that. I need time for myself too. I only ask him to take them every other weekend. i take care of them everyday of the week and every other weekend, so I dont think that is asking much. He has only had them for like two or three weekends so far and he has already had problems with it, but maybe he will see the light soon. I used to be so upset when I would take my kids to school functions etc and see his mothers friend snub her nose at me, i would think, "i dont understand, he left me and the kids and I am the bad guy?" I got over it, the fact is, she saw ME with the kids and at every one of their school functions, NOT HIM, if she is too stupid or blind to see that, than she isnt worth the dirt on my broken shoes. LOL
I at least moved out of that town, so that is a start. If things do not go well for me here and he doesnt do his part to see his kids I will move where it is cheaper for me to live and the weather is warmer LOL
Im giving it a year, if he screws up, its his own doing. Im not doing it for him, I am doing it for the kids, I stayed here for them to have a relationship with their dad, I could have been selfish and moved 1000 miles away where it would be cheaper and warmer . Believe me, I may not bad mouth about him to or in front of the kids, if years down the road they want nothing to do with him, it will be his own fault. But I am also not giving excuses for him either. The kids will know that I didnt try to keep them away or turn them against him and they will know who was by their side.
By the way, thank you for letting me vent, I dont like to vent to my friends and family anymore, and being able to do it here helps, knowing that i am not alone in all this.

Vent on Girl!! I know how you feel. I have great friends, but they have their own drama and I don't want to burden them. I love my Mother to death and she listens to me when I need her to but she just doesn't understand. She tries but it is so above her that she can't. My Daddy walks on water Okay so I'm not stupid he has his faults...can't think of any off hand
I hear ya about needing time alone. The only thing good about the divorce, he is forced to take his kids every other weekend. He is not allowed to drink when he has them either so I win! My kids would call wanting to come home too but I just told them they had to stay. Sounds mean but let him deal with the not so good part of parenting. If I would have gone to get them, I would just be giving HIM an easy out. I did that for 9 years since the birth of our son. Don't get me wrong he found a stupid gf to take care of them for him. But at least he HAS to hear them cry.
I had to laugh when I read about school functions. My ex NEVER attended anything at school, not even kindergarden graduation ( a big deal here, they wear little caps and gowns..soooo cute ) Well during the whole custody battle and the "I can change" stage my ex actually came to ONE Christmas play..for a minute I thought I had to much egg nog. That was the first and the last thing he went to.
You can't teach an old dog new tricks, your best bet is to start fresh with a puppy

Thanks Lisa.. I feel the same way. His gf was there one weekend when the kids were with him, he got drunk and passed out and she was up with them. She hasnt been back when the kids were there yet, but who knows. My 10 year old put her on the phone with me said she wanted to be my friend. I can hear her in the background saying she prob hates my guts. I told my daughter i dont hate the gf, i dont hate, but i did not want to talk to her. Well, as kids do, she put her on the phone anyway. The gf (who was also the OW that chased my husband knowing he was married with three girls) said its been like two years and i always thought we should talk, but i was scared to, your girls are beautiful..blah blah.. I said thank you but to tell you the truth, i dont want to talk to you, i want to relax and watch a movie and enjoy the peace, its the first time i have had a break from the girls and basically hung up. Sorry honey, the fun is over well at least every other weekend it is. I dont think she will come be his babysitter again. Maybe she can see now what I went through. None of this bothers me, I have let things go. Only issues i have now is child support. And boy I can go and on about that. I am just waiting for support services to do their job and get him to pay so I can take care of my kids.