I suggest that you ask him to go to counseling. If he loves you and wants it to work he will go. Some men don't think they need counseling ( mine didn't until I left then he wanted it, begged for it)
We all like our ego stroked every once in a while, and that is okay. Just because your married don't mean your dead right? It's when it's taken to the next level that it becomes dangerous. If he is sneaking out or lying then he is taking it to far.
My ex didn't think anything was wrong with his behavior. He loved the bars and loved the women who were there. Well I decided one night to go out. I told him I was going to get milk ( had 2 gall in the fridge, lol) Stopped at the bar. The bar owners and I are friends so I chatted with them for about 2 hours. I hardly ever drink so I wasn't there to get drunk just to prove a point. Called my ex and told him I was stuck in traffic LOL How many times I heard excuses from him I was wanted to see how he liked it. It was 10pm on a Wed. NO TRAFFIC
Anyhow long story short He was super ticked off. Tables were turned and he didn't like it.
There is a fine line drawn when it comes to cheating. Only you can determine if his mental "affairs" are over the line.
I didn't have to worry about mental affairs, my ex liked the physical affairs to much

Ty I think I will take your advice and ask him to either go to counseling or complete the love dare book. Either way better than nothing. I need him to agree due to the fact our way is not working. He refused counseling in the past. It seems like my effort goes on and on, I'm so tired! Yeah I'm going to give this marriage a few more months but if nothing improves I have no choice but to leave. I'm running out of fight, wanting my husband back!

I hear you loud and clear. I was there. My stbx said nobody was going to tell him who he could talk to, she's "just a friend" and tons of other things to explain his emotional affair. I finally realized that he's never going to stop hanging around her and that was more than I could take. So now we're living in the same house while going through the divorce process. He still "talks" to this woman, knowing how badly it hurt me and knowing it completely destroyed our marriage. He still sees her every week or so and talks to her "as a friend". It just infuriates me. I can't wait to get the divorce done and over with.
It might be that your dh is never going to change and you're going to have to go through this the rest of your life.