Ty I think I will take your advice and ask him to either go to counseling or complete the love dare book. Either way better than nothing. I need him to agree due to the fact our way is not working. He refused counseling in the past. It seems like my effort goes on and on, I'm so tired! Yeah I'm going to give this marriage a few more months but if nothing improves I have no choice but to leave. I'm running out of fight, wanting my husband back!

I hear you loud and clear. I was there. My stbx said nobody was going to tell him who he could talk to, she's "just a friend" and tons of other things to explain his emotional affair. I finally realized that he's never going to stop hanging around her and that was more than I could take. So now we're living in the same house while going through the divorce process. He still "talks" to this woman, knowing how badly it hurt me and knowing it completely destroyed our marriage. He still sees her every week or so and talks to her "as a friend". It just infuriates me. I can't wait to get the divorce done and over with.
It might be that your dh is never going to change and you're going to have to go through this the rest of your life.