Hi,

I know we're not in the same situation, but my husband left me 3 months ago when I was 6 months pregnant, so I know sort of how you feel. He left for another woman. We had been together 8 years and had a 3 year old daughter. He also has substance abuse problems and has had legal issues with drugs. I thought too, if I could just get him to stop selling drugs and get a steady job we could be happy. He had kept a job for the past two years and did stop selling. I thought everything was going to be okay now and got pregnant. He started going out and not coming home. I left him alone thinking maybe it was just something he was going through. Well, there I was and he left for someone else, after everything I did for him and gave to him. After I raised his daughter practically by myself (he was in jail for about a year of her life). I guess what I'm trying to say is that you think that they're going to change and you get this picture in your head that;s like a dream of what you'd like your lie to be like with them, but it actually isn't reality. You think that one day this will happen, but the truth is that they have too many issues to ever make you happy and when you have to let go it's the dream that you grieve not the actual relationship. Of course there were good times, but these men will never be good enough. If he can cheat on you when you're pregnant then he is disgusting, at least that's what I think. I thought this about mine, too. Although it hurts everyday I know that in the end I'll thank him for leaving me because I'm better than that. I'm sorry that you're situation is so hard financially for you and I think Strong Spirit is right in that you should wait it out and get on your feet if you can bear it. You wouldn't want your kids to suffer or jeapordize your parental rights. I always try to do what I think is in my best interests when we get to court for the custody hearings. Please try to stay strong I know how horrible it can be when you're with child and betrayed by the man who got you that way.

NMW

how true "its the dream we grieve not the actual relationship".

That one sentance really struck a chord.

I am so sorry for you. I have to agree with strongheart on this one. Right now you need to take care of yourself, your children and your soon to be born baby. Give it some time and prepare yourself financially by doing research, saving, etc,. My husband was an addict and a greedy dealer when my first daughter was born, i stayed with him believing he would change if i was a good wife etc, that my daughter and i were worth more to him. We lived 3000 miles away from our families and i felt i had no where to go. After almost 5 years of praying and complaining, i finally said enough is enough. I told him i was going back home and he had to get me and my daughter there whether he stayed with us or not. I had to deal with hells angels and their nasty stripper girlfriends, I could take no more, here i was going to church and bible classes while he did all this. He took me home and had to go back to get the rest of our stuff (took him two weeks to do that). In that two weeks i found out i was pregnant (do not know how that was possible, but i guess he bothered me till i gave in when we were stuck broken down in texas).. i was at my moms and she was telling me how she wasnt going to take me and two children in that he better come and take care of us (she has since apologized and feels horrible about it but i forgive her, she was not able to do it)He did come back, got a basic job and we found a place. He was having the drugs sent to him (cause he couldnt get it here) until his connection went to jail. well that got him off of it. He tried after that to make things right for quite some time. We struggled alot and i had to revolve mine and the kids lives around what he did. I thought things were finally good and we tried and had another baby, bought a house, sold it and bought a bigger house. His addiction from drugs turned to addiction to work and making money. He is now an alcoholic that started with just a few beers here and there, now he is up to scotch and whiskey. We had marital problems besides the addictions but the addictions made it worse. My youngest is 10 now and we are separated and i just moved out of the house almost two months ago now. There are many times i wish i had left him and stayed in the state we were in when i had my first daughter cause i loved it there. I would think if only i was more secure in myself that i could have made it on my own. But then i wouldnt have my other daughters so i dont regret it. The thing is, there is a chance your husband will get over the addiction. I can at least say i gave my husband that chance, maybe more than i should have but i did. But then again i didnt know of any cheating going on back then (that happened recently). the decision is up to you and you have to go with what your gut says to do. If i had to give advice, i would say stay put for a bit, it is better to have him there when you give birth. Maybe God willing when the child is born he will open his eyes. Maybe not. So, in the meantime research your option to leave, see what is available in your area for help. This way if you decide to go, you will be prepared. ( I actually tried to hide money away (to get me on my feet) in the house when he was dealing but the sob found it!So dont hide money in the house if you can get your hands on any, put it in a bank account! I wish you all the luck in the world and pray that you get through this. Please take care of yourself during this difficult time, and be strong, you can get through this.