Jo,
Although our situations are different, I can understand how you feel. I think that type of an affair is very common; however, my husband had an affair with a woman that was at his job. Doesn't make it right because i didnt know her, but she did know he was married with three kids. I dont understand why a woman would get herself involved with a married man. You often hear, they will never leave their wives..well look at this forum and you can see that isnt always the case. I am sure that life is very difficult for you right now, and I hope things get better for you. I was with my husband for 20 years and I do still love him, but I do not feel the same about him anymore because he is not the person I married, and I am ready to move on with my life. It takes time to get over someone, especially a long marriage. When I think about it, I believe the one thing i miss is the "comfortable" feeling of being married. I do not miss being with him as he was miserable all the time and it feels good not be around that anymore. I hope you are well and taking care of yourself, try not to think about him and think about yourself more. Think about the things that you enjoy doing and go do them.
take care.

Anyone can be a cheating, lying jerk, but I have to admit that men seem to be more loyal to their friends than most women. I really don't understand why that is so since we are the ones that are more socially connected and aware.

After seeing longtime friends backstab each other, I've kind of gone off the idea of the Sisterhood.

D

I was cheated on for years. I guess I shouldn't trust men but I know lots of men who are married and DON"T cheat. It's not all men, just a few, guess I was "lucky" and got one of them. I have great male role models, my grandfather, my father and my brother.
I am dating. I was alone for years in my marriage. Honestly I'm tired of being alone.
My new honey is sweet, kind, loving and great with my boys. He knows that I have baggage from my marriage, not to mention a few carry ons. Best part, HE DOES NOT DRINK With him its what you see is what you get, I am still a little guarded but I am allowing myself to experience what it is like to be loved. He is teaching me that I am worthy of being loved, he is great for my self esteem. My ex never treated me like I was worth it, just acted like HE deserved it.
Every woman needs to be treated like a princess, it's just a matter of kissing the frog and not the toad.

Lisa

Good for you! I am happy for you. A few months after my husband left, my friend insisted I go out with her, and unexpectedly I met someone and we started talking on the phone for quite a few months. Then after I got to know him a little better we started to see each other but it was a few months before he met my kids. I didn't really want him to, but he wanted to see me and I had the kids 24/7 and couldnt get out much. It was good for a while, he got along with the kids, helped me out so much and like you said was good for my self esteem. Unfortunately, he became very jealous over everything and everybody. He says I must be interested in someone else because I do not seem interested in him. I think I am that way because my guard is up, I will not be hurt again. Still the jealousy is his issue not mine. I realize that right now I need to focus on myself and the kids. I worked too hard on a marriage that ended, and one thing I have learned, is that you cannot change the way a person is no matter how much you love them or they love you. My sister did not date for years after her marriage ended and still doesn't.She has been divorced for 20 years now and only dated one man (who was very good to her and her daughter) but she ended that, I think because of her own insecurities and trust issues. I am not like that, even though the one man i gave my heart to and trusted that he would never cheat on me, did cheat, I cannot be a jealous person. My guard is always up, I wouldn't put it past anyone to cheat, but I don't accuse or think the person is until they actually do. So it may appear to some people that I am indifferent or cold, when in actuality I am a very warm and caring person, and show it to people in other ways than telling them i love them all the time or constantly calling them etc. I guess I figure if I dont show them that they got a hold on me, they cannot or will never know that they hurt me if they do something bad to me. Maybe I am wrong and will miss out on someone who really cares for me, but this is the only way I can be right now.
Oh boy, i sure ramble on and on here! I wish you lots of happiness with your new honey!

Thank You Summer. I have know this man for over 4 years. He knew both me and my ex. I never really thought that I would ever actually date...it just happened. He had called one night to talk to my ex and I told him about us splitting. He has been very kind to me. he never expected anything more than friendship from me. I have to admit I like dating. Maybe I'm weird but I like having that feeling in the pit of my stomach when I am going to see him, not that sick feeling of HAVING to see him ( lol)
Every one handles it different I guess. A friend of mine will be divorced for 3 years now ad she still "morns" her marriage.
I'm happy with the new relationship, but the hurt from my marriage still haunts me from time to time.

Everyone seems to be light years ahead of me in their attitudes. I will never again put myself in a position to be hurt. I'll never even go out for coffee with another man. Wow! Writing this makes me see how guarded I am. I guess I need to soften up. I just don't want to go through this again.