Sam,

No offense to the women here, but, as a father, you are unlikely to get useful advice on this board. There is a (perhaps understandable) reflexive suspicion of men here.

I find that most posts here are simply emotional support rather than concrete advice and actions that would benefit your attempts to regain contact with your children.

I strongly suggest you look at the website www.dadsdivorce.com It is a community of fathers going through divorce.

I will warn you, however, those guys will play rough with you if they perceive that your interest is simply revenge on your wife or trying to get out of playing child support. 'The best interest of my kids' is the mantra over there and they will tell you that unless your wife is actually abusive to the kids, she should be in their lives. Even a deeply flawed mother or father is better than none at all.

They have little patience for fathers that don't take care of their kids or who simply want to whine about how unfair things are. Some of the advice is in the form of a 2 by 4 upside the head to man up and WORK on the problem.

If things are truly as you say in your post, and she is trying to leverage the ridiculous VAWA statues falsely, you will get a lot of support and very good (layman level) legal advice. You should have a good shot at 50/50 custody. You are unlikely to get more unless the mother is drastically and provably unfit, the court system has a strong female bias when it comes to custody.

You will also get advice on how to forestall her taking the kids out of the country without your permission. That is a real danger in a case such as yours. See www.justice.gov/criminal/ceos/ipk.html

If it comes out that "it's all about you" and the kids may actually be better off with your wife, they will tell you that very bluntly.

Fight for your kids,
Bill W.

ps. You should also be aware that if you do find your kids, you can simply pick them up. You are the father and in the absence of court orders, you have just as much right to them as the mother. I would also file for an immediate emergency order to return the children to the marital home (I hope you have a lawyer). If she is unable to prove abuse, your presence and stability in the home will work in your favor in the ensuing custody battle. She has made a big mistake in trying to play 'keep away' with the kids. Don't let it pass without taking advantage of it.

Bill. I agree with you about him needing to file for the kids to be returned, IF he is telling the truth. One thing I disagree with it you telling him to just take the kids. If she has filed for custody and he did n=mention that she did then it would be considered kidnapping. If she has an order even a temp. one then he can only see the kids when the courts say. He has never mentioned her breaking visitation so I am assuming that she was able to get an order to keep him away. even if it is temp.
I took my kids away from their father because he was unstable (was in a mental hospital for some time), tried to shoot himself in my house with the kids there. I only allowed limited phone calls. when it went to court I did have to move back, but my ex was only allowed supervised visits with the kids, NO over nights. The courts do frown on a mother taking her kids away, and if she did so without concrete evidence she will be "punished" for it but if she can prove abuse on his half he will lose his rights as a father and if he did abuse then he shouldn't have rights to begin with.
Good luck to you men who really do love your kids, my ex just uses mine to hurt me over and over again. And it's my children who suffer.

There is a difference between filing and actually getting an order. *I* could file for custody of Barack Obama's kids, it doesn't mean it will be granted.

I agree that if there are orders, they should be obeyed.


Be careful with assumptions. Yes, men can be evil, deceitful, lying jerks, but so can women.

Read Sam's original post again.


She has disappeared with the kids and has allowed no contact. I think that counts as 'breaking visitation'.



This could be construed as abuse. Keeping their father away for no reason *is* abuse. She is making some big mistakes that I hope will bite her on the butt in the custody hearing. One of the factors a judge may consider in custody is which of the parents are more willing to foster a positive relationship with the non-custodial parent.
Sam, I strongly suggest you:
1) Get a lawyer.
2) File for immediate return of the children to the marital home. Even if the ruling does not happen until the custody hearing, you have raised your objections. Silence can be interpreted as consent.
3) Find and pick up the kids if possible.
4) Go to dadsdivorce.com and sign up. Lay your story out there and I guarantee you will get substantive advice.

Good luck,
Bill