I really wanna let this go. I know my worth; I know it was my choice for a happier life; and I value myself and my children. However, I must admit that I never stopped loving my husband. He was the love I intended to rest with. together for 16 yrs, married 10, 2 children. Good marriage, found out about infidelity year 7. We decided to work on it. Conselling, connecting. 1 1/2 or so later, spending to time with friends working on music; no problem. He began to spend too much time there, and I got the vibe something else was happening. There was another phone, I put him out. Asked for legal separation. he didn't want that. Said we needed space. Could we work on it (we were still physical separated a few intimate encounters). I stopped it because it began to confuse me, and my children. 7 months in, no signicant movement. I asked for a divorce. He begged me not to, would scold me when I wasn't wearing my ring. 2 weeks later, something told me to get to his residence - which I hadn't done the entire time he's been gone. You KNOW what I saw. talked with her. I left. That was a year ago. Up until January 2010. I filed. He never contested the divorce. Turns out, he has moved in with this woman and she is due any day. He has our children there, hasn't said anything to me. His family - my inlaws dinner with my children and we're still married. He hasn't said to words to me. He professess his love for her on Facebk. It hurts my heart. It like he has my family over at their home. The children are excited about their lil sister. I'm so heartbroken. I just want to move on!!!

My heart goes out to you. I know I had a pregnancy scare with my ex's girlfriend and my head was all over the place. I know its something I may have to face one day, to walk in your shoes.
I know it hurts, it hurts because we dont let go yet thats all we want to do isnt it. We dont enjoy the pain of still being connected to them. I believe one day we wont be hurt by their actions but I think it takes time, nothing we can do can rush it along.
Im learning from the other ladies on here that even the most intolerable of situations become tolerable and then easier and easier. Letting go is a process. it doesnt happen when we want it to. And I suspect when it does happen we wont even realise at first, maybe we will simply think 'oh the usual pain isnt there today'.
We walk through the fire, THROUGH! It burns but there is an end to it.
I wish you peace in your heart sooner rather than later but I know you will have it at some point.

One of my favorite quotes: Don't wait for the storm to pass, learn to dance in the rain.
My storm has lasted 20 years and I know it's going to get worse before it gets better. I am staring to learn to dance anyway.
Yesterday I went to a friend's and because of construction I had to drive through my old neighborhood where my marriage started and my children were born (lived there for 10 years starting a age 19). I cannot possibly describe the pain as I drove past each landmark and memories came flooding back one after the other. My soul cringed like a frightened dog, I was crying and literally had to keep saying aloud 'you're ok you're ok, it's over'. Once I was through and had a bit more driving to do I felt my soul open up and fill my body again. My biggest regret? Being SO SAD the whole time we were there, holding in tears at playgrounds while my children played and I saw other families and I had no idea where my husband was, if he was doing drugs again, if he'd come home and not speak to me or the kids again. My house was beautiful and I kept it a mess, too depressed to do anything. I was too ashamed to make friends, scared of being judged for my terrible marriage. But after this, it inspired me to do better. I am and have been doing much better but I still have some issues with keeping my home nice and now I feel more motivated to keep my head high and not waste anymore beautiful days because of HIM. I realized how much who I am as a person is a sum of my experiences and memories. For my future self, I am going to make some happy experiences and good memories so one day, if I pass though the neighborhood I'm in now, I will smile and be happy that I did my best with the situation I had and have no regrets. Please enjoy your children. they are only small once and don't let his actions take away YOUR joy with them. Every time you start thinking about him and his situation, push away the thoughts and get excited for your own future. And dance (literally). If I am stressed I find that "fancy ballroom dancing" with my daughter is a great relief and the giggles are sure to start when I swing her around as we change directions (and she is almost 10 and LOVES doing this!) I took my kids to a festival and my daughter ran around catching butterflies and rolling down hills while my 16 year old son talked with me and it felt so good to feel so connected with them and trusted by them, they knew they could just be themselves and enjoy themselves without pressure or fear of being judged. Your unconditional love for your children means the world to them and if you can really be in the moment with them, all of you will benefit. Make sure you laugh everyday, even if it's by having a 'fake laugh contest' with your kids (trust me, it'll turn into real laughter!) My heart goes out to you. Keep coming here to write your thoughts, it's good to let it out. Your future is yours, as is your now, make them good!