Hi Ladies,

you all know my story. I put everything in place after the 'meeting of the g/f' and realising all the deception. I went to CSA, did him for harrassment (to end all phone communication) and insisted that he not drink through contact and pick my son up from school and drop him off at home after contact.
Yesterday was first contact since I put a stop to it. When it got to 4.30 yesterday I was a bag of nerves, drop off was 5pm and I had a zillion scenarios going through my head; what if he kicks off, wants to come in etc. 5.30 he pulled up in taxi dropped my son off and left. It was all ok.
Then he sent me an email, thanking me for letting him have our son (I had enough ammunition to cease contact indefinately but put clauses in and let it resume).
This morning another 2 emails and a you tubed sad song.
I have tried closing doors to minimise contact because of the constant rollercoaster it creates, nice one minute then all hell breaks lose.
I just find it so much harder when he is being nice, I have fought hard for us to be civil but actually I think it makes it harder for me. People argue that I just keep falling soft and actually I can feel it happening. Memories creep in and I remember this side of him, the side I have always loved.
I was doing so well and yet I can feel the slide again now he is being nice.
Is this normal? I am moving in with my partner at the weekend and we have been through a lot to get to this point. I could have really done without my ex being human again at this point. Yesterday my head was consumed with my ex and ive been ok for ages. Im hoping this is just a blip. My partner was hypersensitive yesterday and i think he was monitoring my response to the drop off scenario, I told him Id rather pick my son up myself from his aunts rather than my ex come to my home, apart from that I do not want my ex knowing where Im moving to, its near by and really there is no reason for him to know, except it should keep my windows intact! Any thoughts about how I fall weak so easily, is it part of it and will it ease? Any input appreciated. I just dont want to go down that slippery road again and not sure how to regulate myself!

Abbey, I am in the same situation. I have contact from my husband almost daily. Its random stuff thats nothing to do with anything really. I think he thinks if he stays in contact and is nice, I won't make it hard for him to get what he wants. I misread all contact as "he does care" but now I see it as maniuplating and controlling. He texted me Friday night to ask "please tell me the dogs are ok?" it was 6.30pm and he knows I am home around 5.00pm. I sent him a picture of the dogs with a reply "we are ok Dad we are at home". I got a one word reply, "thankx". So I cheekily sent him another one, "you know where we are, so where are you?" got the usual one word reply, "City" he was out with god only knows who and wanted me to know this. He found out where I was, yes home with the dogs and he is out drinking and having a good time. I don't know how to do this anymore. I maintain the niceness as its too exhausting being angry all the time. He has no idea what his constant contact does to me, and I don't think he really cares as long as he stays nice then he assumes he will been seen as the NICE GUY! thats why they do it. Control and manipulation.

Yes Jo, I think there is certainly an element of control. Texts were used as a means of figuring out where I was.
Now there are only emails because I couldnt cope with the constant war/drama/emotional rollercoaster.

I would know with my ex's sudden short replies that he was busy. It would torture me and wouldve been easier with no contact.
So its certainly not a unique thing is it!

Cant say he's doing it to keep me on side because Ive done everything I could do to sort things out. Lols, he knows no one thinks he's a nice guy.

It is control in a way because he knows I want less contact and he knows by keeping the contact up it stops me from being ok. Then I think well is it control or a desperate attempt to keep any hope alive.

resisting the temptation to respond when he is being nice is almost impossible. I dont want to be rude and I think well we have to amintain some contact because of our son. Other times he is hurting and it bothers me.
crazy because other months he convinced me he was hurting he was with the g/f while convincing me he was sleeping at work on the floor in his office....duh.
I know he wasnt happy but still he was deceiving me.

I look at his life that has fallen to bits and I cant help but feel sorry for him.
He caused so much pain but I think because he was in pain.

Thinking of you and the 'are the dogs ok' texts, I used to get similar all the time, making contact under the 'hows boy' guise. Yup, sly. Even the emails, 'hows boy doing'? How can I not respond to something so rational, innocent? Like yourself, we would look to be causing a vibe for no reason. Then I respond, then i get the 'how you doing'. And it goes from there.
Its as though they dont want that last chord cutting and will do anything to keep contact at any level. Even if it stops either from moving on. With having our son I feel like its a ctach 22. And while I do everything to minimise contact he's doing everything opposite. Hard work isnt it.

I can relate...what a rollercoaster. I can't say that my husband's niceness is causing me to love or respect him again...it isn't. It does make me feel sorry for him, because he know I'm ready to refile anytime and he's grasping for straws...trying everything....wanting to talk about planning for our future, planting trees, family vacations. (actually, he talks about that in front of the kids, which puts even more pressure on me....more control) I know he wouldn't see it as that.

I agree, it IS easier when he's being an a**. Then I don't have those feeling of feeling sorry for him.

I know Jean, sods law isnt it, they spend years making us miserable then when we want them to be themselves they become (or should that be 'pretend to be') the wonderful guy we thought we were getting in the first place. How selfish of them...